Keeper Jokes

A lion in the London Zoo was lying in the sun licking its arse when a visitor turned to the keeper and said, 'That's a docile old thing, isn't it?'
'No way,' said the keeper, 'it's the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged an Australian tourist into the cage and completely devoured him.'
'Hardly seems possible,' said the astonished visitor, 'but why is it lying there licking its arse?'
'The poor thing is trying to get the taste out of its mouth.'

Once upon a time there was a golden songbird that lived in a beautiful garden. It spent all its days singing the loveliest songs to the honour of its maker and the delight of all the people who heard it.
But the keeper of the garden, who was a foolish and greedy man, coveted the little songster, and one day he made a cunning net in which he snared it. The little bird begged the man to release him and promised to tell him three great secrets if only he would let him go. Now the gardener really was a very greedy man and rubbing his hands together, he eagerly released the bird.
Then the songbird told him it's three great secrets: Never believe all that you hear; Never regret what you have never lost, and never throw away that which you have in your keeping.
The gardener was furious when he heard this and said he had known these so-called' secrets' since he was a little child and shouted that the bird had tricked him. But the songbird quietly replied that if the man had more...

A Scotsman was on his first visit to a zoo and he sees an animal that he has never seen before, so he asks the zoo keeper "
what animal it this"
.The zoo keeper replies "
Thats a moose sir, from Canada"
. "
A moose"
says the surprised Scotsman "
They must have rats like elaphants over there!"

Dharmaraj, the divine record keeper summoned Yamdoot, the messenger of death and ordered:' Go down and get the atma of Ram Lal. His time is up.'

Yamdoot went down and found Ram Lal. But however much he looked in Ram Lai's body, he could not find his atma. He reported back to Dharmaraj.

' How can that be?, demanded the record keeper.' Every person has to have a soul. Go and look more carefully.'

Yamdoot went back and looked more carefully but failed to find Ram Lal's soul.

Dharmaraj consulted his records and could find no entry of a human being without an atma.' What does this fellow Ram Lai do for a living?', he asked.

'He is some kind of a minister in the government,' replied Yamdoot.

'No wonder you couldn't find a soul in his body. Go back and look in his chair. That's where Indian politicians and ministers keep their atmas.'

There was sudden increase of demand for the Kotex pads in the Anuradapura district and the sales manager of the company in Colombo was unable to explain why there is a sudden demand even higher than in Colombo City and suburbs. So, he asked a team to go to Anuradapura to investigate it.
The team arrived in a rural area and inquired from a small shop where there was a large stock of pads for sale. Before they could ask a single question several people came and bought kotex pads.
Every one of them asked the shop keeper to give a "Mukkawadam" and shop keeper obliged with a Kotex pad.
The shop keeper finally explained the secrete of demand for pads. He said our farmers in Anuradapura use the pads for providing protection against breathing fumes of poison when they spray pestisides on the crops, using Kotex pads as MUKKAWADAM which has become very popular than for its intended use.