Gates Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bill Gates in his early thirties decided that he should get married. He puts a personal ad in a newspaper and he only gets one reply. What the heck, he says and meets the woman. She is ok, so after a few weeks they get married.
On the first night of their marriage, Bill was hoping to have the greatest time of his life. He got himself stark naked in the bathroom, admired his body (!) in the mirror and walked into the bedroom where his wife was waiting.
After a few minutes of foreplay, she turns to him and says: "Gee, now I know why you call your company' Micro-Soft'."

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed.

They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"

Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFC's and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."

God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that.

God then addresses Bill Clinton. "Bill, what do you believe in?"

Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."

God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good.

Come and sit at my right." God then more...

The Top 11 Entries in Bill Gates's Diary

11> Invited entire tech-support department to play golf.Brought Melissa to complete the foursome.

10> Steve Jobs started work today.The silverware looks great, but he doesn't do windows -- yet.

9> The baby cries constantly.Maybe I'll buy Fisher-Price.

8> Bought my first Macintosh.It's sooooo cute!

7> Good day.Found over 15 bucks' worth of soda cans in the trash bins outside Microsoft headquarters.

6> Bad day.Ellison sent back the heads of two of the three hitmen I hired, along with a note saying he ate the third one whole.

5> Still ahead of Murdoch and Eisner.Yes!

4> Reminder: 35-cent Snapple coupon expires in two days!

3> Memo to self: Next time, when my wife says we need to buy china, she means dishes.

2> Ran into Demi and Bruce.Upped my offer to a billion dollars.

and the Number 1 Entry in Bill Gates's more...

Three blondes went to Heaven on the same day and showed up at the pearly gates. St. Peter looked them over and said, "Well, before you can enter the gates you have to answer one simple question, to show you know something about why you're here."

The first blonde stepped up to the gates, and St. Peter said, "Now, explain to me, what is Easter?" The woman replied, "Oh, that's easy. That's the holiday in November, when everybody gets together to give thanks, and eats turkey, and..."

"Wrong," replied St. Peter, "You'll have to wait." He turned to the second blonde and said, "What is Easter?" The second blonde replied, "I know, Easter is about Jesus. In December, when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate His birthday."

St. Peter shook his head in disgust at the second woman and sighed. He turned to the third blonde and said, "You look a little smarter than the more...

God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision... I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that Windows95, among other things. I believe I'll do something I've never done before...
I'll let YOU decide where you want to go.
Bill pushed up his glasses, looked at God and replied, "Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?"
God said, "I'll do better than that. I'll let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you want to visit first... Heaven or Hell?"
Bill said, "I think I'll try Hell first."
So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill Gates went to Hell.
When he materialized in Hell, Bill looked around. It was a beautiful and clean place... a bit warm... with sandy beaches and tall more...

Bill Gates dies and fronts up to the pearly gates.
St Peter: "Well, you've got a choice. Have a look around here. Pop down to Hell and see what Satan has to offer. Check us out, and then let me know your decision."
Bill has a look around heaven. Lots's of sombre people singing hymns, praising the Lord (and probably writing Ada: -). He goes down to Hell. There are beautiful beaches, lots of sun, sand, attractive women (and a lot of C and Basic: -). Long cool drinks that never get you drunk. He loves it. He goes back to St Peter.
Gates: "Look, I know you're really doing good things here, but Hell seems more with it. More my kind of scene, you know what I mean? No hard feelings, but I pick Hell."
St Peter: "No worries. You've got it."
Bill finds himself back in Hell, neck deep in fire and brimstone, suffering eternal torment. He can't work it out.
Gates: "Hey! St Peter! Where are the beautiful girls and long beaches and more...

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by God... "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows' 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go." Bill replied, " Well, what's the difference between the two?" God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, it if will help your decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" "I'll leave that up to you." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of BEAUTIFUL women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature more...