Gay Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy walks into a bar. .. once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides,' What the heck, I really want a drink.'

So he sits down at the bar, and the gay bartender says to him,' What's the name of your penis?'

The guy says,' Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink.'

The gay bartender says,' I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis.

So the guy looks at the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer and asks,' Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?' The man to left, with a smile, looks back and says,' TIMEX.'

The guy asks,' Why Timex?' The fella proudly replies,' Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!'

A little shaken, the guy turns to the fella on his right sipping on a fruity margarita,' So, what do you call your penis?' The man to his right turns to him and proudly exclaims,' FORD, because quality is Job 1', he then ads,' Have you driven a Ford more...

A guy walks into a bar and orders 12 tequilas. The bartender asked, "what's wrong," and the guy says that he just found out that his younger son is gay. The bartender says, "he's sorry about it." After a couple of days the guy comes back and orders 15 tequilas. The bartender asked, "What's wrong now," to which the guy responds That he found out that his older son was gay, too. The bartender says that he's sorry. The guy returned a few days later and ordered 20 tequilas. The bartender burst out, "Isn't anyone in your family gettin' any pussy?!" The guy gets really pissed and says, "Yeah, my wife!!!!!"

This man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He calls the bartender over and says, "I'd like to buy those two ladies a drink."
The bartender replies, "It won't do you any good."
The man, with a confused look on his face says, "It doesn't matter, I want to buy those women a drink."
The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads. About a half-hour later, the man approaches the women and says, "I'd like to buy you two another drink."
The women both reply, "It won't do you any good."
The man says, "I don't understand. What do you mean it won't do me any good?"
The first lady says, "We're lesbians."
The man replies, "Lesbians? What are lesbians?"
The second woman replies, "Lesbians... We like to lick pussies."
The man says, "Bartender, three beers for us more...

This man walks in a bar and says to the bartender, “Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer? ”
Joe says, “Well hell, what’s the matter? ”
The Man says, “Well, my son has just come home from college and I found out he’s gay. ”
Joe says, “Man that’s terrible, ” and gives the man his whiskey and beer.
Two weeks go by and the same man goes to the bar… He walks in and says, “Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer? ”
Joe says, “Well hell, what’s the matter this time? ”
The man says, “Well my other boy just come home from college and I found out that HE’S gay. ”
Joe says, “Man, that’s a damn shame, ” and fixes him up with the beer and whiskey.
Three weeks go by and the man comes bursting through the doors and says, “Joe, I want you to fix me up with every f*cking drink you got in the house! ”
Joe says, “Geez, doesn’t more...

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner.
He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mum, I have something to tell you: I'm gay."

His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay, doesn't that mean you have oral sex with other men?"

The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mum, that's right."

His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around and WHACKED him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don't you EVER complain about the taste of my cooking again!!!!!"

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodka." The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife!"

YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN SAN FRANCISCO WHEN:

Getting a really great parking spot can move you to tears.

You know that anyone wearing shorts in June is just visiting from Ohio.

A man walks on BART in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't notice.

You curse those damn tourists - but always stop to help a cute person who is holding a city map, looking puzzled.

Each time you drive under an underpass, for one moment you think' earthquake.'

Your co-worker tells you s/he has eight body piercings - none are visible.

You take the bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

The guy who cuts your hair is straight, and your plumber is gay.

The woman who delivers your mail is straight, and your Mary Kay Lady is gay.

Old friends you haven't talked to in years suddenly call.' Do you have a spare bedroom for a weekend?'

You think anyone more...