Gee Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mum sends Dave off to the market to buy a few things and Mabel tags along as usual. After investing in a new bucket, a straw broom, a couple of live chickens and a poddy calf, Dave is struggling home, with the calf baulking and the chickens flapping and the bucket clanking - all in different directions.

As they pass through a bit of bush Mabel says, "Aw gee, Dave, I'm scared!"

Dave yanks the calf and recovers a chicken and says, "Yeah! What of, Mabel?"

"Aw gee, you might take advantage of me in this lonely bush!" says Mabel.

"Come off it, Mabel," says Dave, grabbing the bucket. "Look how busy I am with this lot!"

Quick as a flash, Mabel says, "But couldn't you put the chickens down on the ground with the bucket on top of them, and push the broom into the ground and tie the calf to it?"

Gee, Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

What not to say to the nice policeman... I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. Aren't you the guy from the Village People? I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. Bad cop! No doughnut! You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops? So, uh, you on the take or what? Gee, Officer! That's terrific! The last officer only gave me a warning, too! Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking? You're the trained specialist!"

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son.. Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

The ABSOLUTE WORST things to say to a police
officer:
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold
my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar
detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph
to keep up with me!. Good job!
5. I thought you had to be in relatively
good physical condition to
be a police officer.
6. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to
finish high school instead.
7. Bad cop! No donut!
8. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
9. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire
confidence.
10. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on
Cops?
11. Wow, you look just like the guy in the
picture on my girlfriend's night stand.
12. Is it true that people become cops
because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?
13. I pay your salary!
14. So, uh, you on the take, or what?
15. more...