Gentleman Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.
The pharmacist said, "That's no problem. How many do you want?"
The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces."
The pharmacist said "That won't do you any good."
The elderly gentleman said "That's all right. I don't need them for sex anymore, as I'm over 80 years old.
I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes".

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear perfectly again. The elderly gentleman returned to the doctor`s in a month for a final check on the new equipment. After some tests, the doctor proclaimed, "Your hearing is perfect!" "Thank you for helping me," replied the elderly man. "You`re welcome," said the doctor. "Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." "Oh, I haven`t told them yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations I used to miss," replied the elderly gentleman. "Really?" questioned the doctor. You must still be marveling at being able to hear again and just not ready to believe it yourself. That must be why you haven`t told them." "Well, no that`s not it exactly, but I have changed my will three times!"

What's the definition of a gentleman?
Someone who knows how to play the trombone but chooses not to.

What's the definition of a gentleman? Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.

3 elderly gentlemen were sitting on a park bench discussing what the meanest animal in the world was.
The first said, “The meanest animal in the world is a Hippopotamus, cause it’s got such big jowls. One bite and your gone. ”
The second shook his head and said “Nah, hippo may be mean, but ain’t nothing meaner than an alligator. He got a big mouth and all them teeth, snap? , one bite, ha, one swallow, you gone. ”
The third gentleman sat for a moment, and finally he spoke and said, ” No sir, the meanest aninmal in the world is a hippagator. ”
The other two in disbelief inquired as to what in the world is a hippagator, believing there was no such animal.
The gentleman slowly began to explain, ” A hippagator got a hippo head on one end, and an ‘gator head on the other”
“Wait! interrupted the others, “If he has a head on both ends, How does he shit? ”
The reply was simply, ” He don’t, that’s what makes him so mean”.

Q: What's a gentleman?
A: Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.

An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA visited the foreign
exchange
to exchange some Rupees. He handed to the cashier 100,000Rps and after a quick
calculation on the calculator, was given $50.45 with a typical "service"
smile and "Have a nice day!"
The Indian promptly spent this and returned the next day with another wad
of Rupees. He handed the same cashier 100,000Rps and put his hand out for
his $50.45, instead he received $48.78.
He questiond bitterly Ooh! vy less !!??"
Whereupon the cashier replied "Fluctuations!"
He screamed back "FLUCK YOU AMERICANS, TOO!"
I'm going back to Delhi!!!