Gentleman Jokes / Recent Jokes
An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA visited the foreignexchange to exchange some Rupees. He handed to the cashier 100,000Rpsand after a quick calculation on the calculator, was given $50.45 witha typical "service" smile and "Have a nice day!"The Indian promptly spent this and returned the next day with anotherwad of Rupees. He handed the same cashier 100,000Rps and put his handout for his $50.45, instead he received $48.78.He questiond bitterly Ooh! vy less !!??" Whereupon the cashier replied"Fluctuations!"He screamed back "FLUCK YOU AMERICANS, TOO!" I'm going back to Delhi!!!
An older gentleman had lost his hearing aid and wanted to get a new one. Before getting the new hearing aid, he wanted his ear cleaned out, so he went to his doctor.
As the doctor was cleaning his ears, he noticed a foreign object lodged in the man's ear canal. With a pair a tweezers, the doctor removed the object. Upon closer examination, he discovered that it was a suppository. The doctor told the older gentleman that he had a suppository stuck in his ear.
At this, the man exclaimed, "Now I know where I put my hearing aid!"
A man walks into a jewelry store to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring. Looking behind the glass case, he comes across an exquisite band with a handsome-sized rock in its center.
“Excuse me sir, ” the gentleman says to the salesman. “How much is this ring? ”
“Ah, that's a beautiful piece, ” the salesman replies. “It goes for $10, 000. ”
“My God! ” the man exclaimed. “That's a lot of money! ”
“Yes, but a diamond is forever. ”
“Perhaps, ” the gentleman replied, “but my marriage won't last that long! ”
Whereas, on an occasion immediately preceding the Nativity festival, throughout a dwelling unit, quiet descended, in which could be heard no disturbance, not even the sound emitted by a diminutive rodent related to, and in form resembling, a rat; and
Whereas, the offspring of the occupants had affixed their tubular, closely knit coverings for the nether limbs to the flue of the fireplace in expectation that a personage known as St. Nicholas would arrive; and
Whereas, said offspring had become somnolent, and were entertaining re: saccharine-flavored fruit; and
Whereas, the adult male of the family, et ux, attired in proper headgear, had also become quiescent in anticipation of nocturnal inertia; and
Whereas, a distraction on the snowy acreage outside aroused the owner to investigate; and
Whereas, he perceived in a most unbelieving manner a vehicle propelled by eight domesticated quadrupeds of a species found in arctic regions; and
Whereas, a most odd more...
The FBI puts an Ad in the newspaper, "Wanted FBI agents." After sorting through all the applicants they narrow it down to three. They bring the first in for an interview and the interviewing agent says to the gentleman, "We are the FBI, we solemnly do the duty of the country and always put the country before ourselves. Anything asked of us, we must do. Whether we like it or not. All our agents must be totally loyal." The guy responds that he always wanted to be an FBI agent and it has been his dream.The agent then pulls out a gun and puts it on the table. "Please, go into the next room where your wife is and shoot her."The gentleman gets a repulsed look upon his face. "I can't do that. She is my wife and I love her with all my heart!"The agent than says that he just isn't FBI material, but thanks him for coming down.They then bring in the second man. The agent goes over the speel of loyalty for the country above all else. "I always wanted more...
A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never
married. Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just
never met the right woman. .. I guess I've been
looking for the perfect girl."
"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have
met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."
"Yes, there was one girl. . once. I guess she was the
one perfect girl.. the only perfect girl I really ever
met. She was just the right everything. . I really
mean that she was the perfect girl for me."
"Well, why didn't you marry her?" asked the friend.
"She was looking for the perfect man," the gentleman
answered.
A very elderly gentleman (nineties), very well dressed, hair well-groomed, great-looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after-shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into the "cocktail lounge" section at the senior center.
Seated at the bar is an attractive elderly looking lady (mid-eighties).
The gentleman walks over, sits alongside her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"