Gentleman Jokes / Recent Jokes

A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, in her mid-eighties.
The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

A small town farmer had three daughters. Being a single father, he tended to
be a little over-protective of his daughters. When gentlemen came to take his
daughters out on a date, he would greet them with a shotgun to make sure
they knew who was boss. One evening, all of his daughters were going out on
dates. The doorbell rang, the farmer got his shotgun, and answered the door.
A gentleman said,
"Hi, I'm Joe,
I'm here for Flo,
We're goin' to the show,
Is she ready to go?"
The farmer frowned but decided to let them go. The doorbell rang again, the
farmer got his shotgun, and answered the door. A gentleman said,
"Hi, I'm Eddie,
I'm here for Jenny,
We gettin' spaghetti,
Is she ready?"
The farmer frowned but decided to let them go. The doorbell rang again, the
farmer got his shotgun, and answered the door. A gentleman said,
"Hi, I'm Chuck,..."
And the farmer shot more...

For many years, an elderly gentleman suffered from serious hearing problems. Finally, he went to see his doctor. After examining him, the doctor was able to have him fitted with a pair of hearing aids which allowed the gentleman to hear normally again.
A month later, the gentleman returned to the doctor for a follow-up visit. "Your hearing is perfect," the doctor said. "Your family must be very happy now that you can hear again."
"Oh, I haven't told them yet, doctor," the gentleman said. "I just sit around and listen to their conversations. So far, I've changed my will four times!"

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

1. Ladies are prohibited from touching gentlemen's balls,
either with hands or clubs.
2. All holes must be kept clean.
3. Gentlemen making a hole-in-one, must change lady
partners in the second round.
4. Ladies are requested to remain quiet while gentlemen
are taking short strokes.
5. Partners are requested to off off together at each tee.
6. When the lady partner goes off first, the gentleman
must not delay the stroke but continue to play.
7. In cases where the lay is impossible, ladies have
the privilege of choosing a new position.
8. When the gentleman finds this impossible, he may
choose a new lay starting at least a ball's length
the hole.
9. Players are requested to refrain from playing any
holes under repair.
10. While the management strives to improve the course in every
way, they cannot be held responsible for the loss
or damage of balls in the brush or around the holes.

Partial DosageAn elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked thepharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said "That's no problem. Howmany do you want?" The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces." The pharmacist said, "That won't do you any good." The elderly gentleman said, "That's alright. I don't need them for sexanymore as I am over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

Whereas, on an occasion immediately preceding the Nativity festival, throughout a dwelling unit, quiet descended, in which could be heard no disturbance, not even the sound emitted by a diminutive rodent related to, and in form resembling, a rat; and Whereas, the offspring of the occupants had affixed their tubular, closely knit coverings for the nether limbs to the flue of the fireplace in expectation that a personage known as St. Nicholas would arrive; andWhereas, said offspring had become somnolent, and were entertaining re: saccharine-flavored fruit; andWhereas, the adult male of the family, et ux, attired in proper headgear, had also become quiescent in anticipation of nocturnal inertia; and Whereas, a distraction on the snowy acreage outside aroused the owner to investigate; andWhereas, he perceived in a most unbelieving manner a vehicle propelled by eight domesticated quadrupeds of a species found in arctic regions; andWhereas, a most odd rotund gentleman was entreating the more...