Gentleman Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast-food restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would let him buy another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared 50-50."
The young man asked the wife if she was going to eat, to which she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn to use our teeth."
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at Burger King. He noticed that they ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries. One for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup, and set it in front of his wife. The old man began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."The young man than asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn using the teeth."
An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.
MARRIAGE Dictionary
Bachelor: 1) A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
2) A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
3) A man who every morning comes to work from a different direction.
4) A man who never makes the same mistake once.
5) A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
6) A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
7) A selfish guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
8) The only man who has never told his wife a lie.
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Bridegroom: A gent who exchanges living quarters for a better half.
Cad: A man who doesn't tell his wife that he's sterile until she's pregnant.
Childish game: One at which your spouse beats you.
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would more...
A theif stuck a pistol in a gentleman's ribs and
said,' Give me your money.'
The gentleman shocked by the sudden attack said,
'You cannot do this, I am a Punjab Policeman.'
The thief said,' In that case, give me my money.'
Two girls boarded a crowded bus and one of them whispered to the other, "Watch me embarrass a man into giving me his seat."
Pushing her way through the crowd, she turned all her charms upon a gentleman who looked like he might embarrass easily.
"My dear Mr. Wilson," she gushed, "fancy meeting you on the bus. Am I glad to see you. Why, you're almost a stranger. My, but I'm tired."
The sedate gentleman looked up at the girl. He had never seen her before, but he rose and said pleasantly, "Sit down, Mary my girl. It isn't often I see you on washday. No wonder you're tired. Being pregnant isn't easy. By the way, don't deliver the wash until Thursday. My wife is going to the District Attorney's office to see whether she can get your husband out of jail."
A man walks into a jewelry store to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring. Looking behind the glass case, he comes across an exquisite band with a handsome-sized rock in its center. “Excuse me sir,” the gentleman says to the salesman. “How much is this ring?”“Ah, that's a beautiful piece,” the salesman replies. “It goes for $10,000.”“My God!” the man exclaimed. “That's a lot of money!”“Yes, but a diamond is forever.”“Perhaps,” the gentleman replied, “but my marriage won't last that long!”