Gentleman Jokes / Recent Jokes

A sexy blonde walked into the doctor's waiting room and couldn't find an empty seat anywhere. Finally, she walks over to one gentleman that was sitting down, and said,
"I wonder if I might trouble you for your seat. You see, I'm pregnant."
The gentleman groaned, coming to his feet and offering the lady his seat.
As the young lady sat down, the man looked her over and said,
"You know, if you hadn't told me, I never would have guessed you were pregnant. How far along are you?"
Looking at her watch, she replied, "Oh, about a half an hour!"

One beautiful Sunday morning everyone in the small town woke up early and went to their local church.
As they were sitting in their pews talking before the service began, Satan suddenly appeared at the alter.
Everyone began screaming and running for the exit, trampling each other in a desperate attempt to get away from the evil incarnate.
Soon, everyone managed to evacuate the church except for one older gentleman who remained calmly seated in his pew. The gentleman appeared oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
This confused and angered Satan, so he walked over to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
"Yep, sure do," replied the man.
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't," the man replied.
Satan, now more perturbed, asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man looked at him and calmly replied, "I've been married to your sister for 32 more...

A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast food place. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them.
The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would let him buy another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."
The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, to which she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn to use our the teeth.

A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast food place. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them.
The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would let him buy another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.

The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."

The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, to which she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn to use our the teeth."

An old lady stood at the railing of a cruise ship, holding on tight to her hat so that it wouldn't blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon my forwardness, madam, but were you aware that your dress is blowing up in the wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady. "But I need both hands to hold onto this hat" But madam," the gentleman said in a worried tone, "you must know that your private parts are exposed!"
The old lady glanced down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

An [ethnic] gentleman walks into a bar with a frog on his head.
The bartender says "Hey, where'd you get that?"
The frog says "Well, it started out as a wart on my ass..."

The kindly old gentleman was visiting the home of his daughter. He entered the room of his two grandsons and found them busy studying at their desks. The first boy was reading a book on aviation.
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" asked the grandfather.
"A pilot, sir," said the boy.
"And what do you want to be when you grow up?" the old gentleman asked the second lad.
The boy looked up from the latest issue of PLAYBOY. "Nothing, sir," he said wistfully, "just growed up."