Geography Jokes / Recent Jokes
. ..the birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
...farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
...the cows are giving evaporated milk.
...you can say 113 degrees without fainting.
...you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
...you can make instant sun tea.
...you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
...the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
...you discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
...you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
...you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
...hot water now comes out of both taps.
...it's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
...you break a sweat the instant you step more...
Lyrics to an old folk song, recently requested:
The Scottsman
Well a Scottsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share
He fumbled' round until he could no longer keep his feet
And he stumbled off in to the grass to sleep beside the street
Ring-ding didle lidle la deo
Ring dye didley eye oh
He stumbled off in to the grass to sleep beside the street
About the thime two young and lovely girls just happened by
One says to the other, with a twinkle in her eye
"See yon sleeping Scottsman, so strong a handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt"
Ring-ding didle lidle la deo
Ring dye didley eye oh
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt
They crept up on the sleeping Scottsman quiet as could be
They lifted up his kilt about an inch so they more...
whats the difference between a freench man and a bucket of shit? the bucket
A Brazilian, attending a masquerade Halloween Ball, was dancing with a tourist girl who was wearing a map of Texas for a costume. Suddenly she slapped him hard and stalked off the dance floor.' What the heck happened?' asked a friend who had witnessed the entire event.' I'm not really sure,' the man replied, rubbing his red cheek.' When she asked if I had ever been to Texas, I put my finger on Amarillo to show her, and she let me have it.'
your momma is so stupid she locked herself in the toilet and peed her pants
The Geography of a Woman
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or more...
A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two Americans just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries.
The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."
"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."