Geography Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Geography of a Woman
------------------------
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the more...

your momma so stupied she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side

I know you think you broke my heart but I knew your game from the start I saw your game and played it too stupid ass playa the jokes on you

A guy just came from Turkey and got a job as an apple seller at an apple farm. He didn't know any English so he just stood behind the counter and got paid. On the third day his first costomer came in. "
How much are your apples"
not knowing what to say he said Turkey. "
$.25"
said the manager. When the costomer bought the apple he gave a complaint to the manager. "
Just repeat what I say and you'll do fine. But only do what I say."
the manager said in Turkish.
The second costomer came in and asked "
How much are the apples"
"
25 cents"
he replied. "
Are they fresh"
the costomer asked. "
Turkey"
He replied. The manager passed by and said "
Fresh real fresh"
The third costomer came in and asked "
How much are your apples"
"
25 cents"
"
Are they fresh?"
"
Fresh real more...

An Oregonian, a Californian, and a Texan were out camping. They were lazing around the campfire when the Texan pulled out a bottle of tequila and after taking a couple of swallows, threw the bottle in the air, pulled out his six-shooter, and neatly shot the bottle. The Californian noted that there was still some tequila left in the bottle, but the Texan replied,' That's okay, we have plenty of tequila where I come from.'

The Californian promptly brought out his bottle of White Zinfandel, took two swallows, threw it up in the air, and shot it with a Glock 9mm pistol with the 17-round magazine, stating:' We have plenty of wine where I come from.'

The Oregonian took all this in and finally opened a bottle of Henry's Blue Boar Irish Ale. He downed the entire bottle, threw it up in the air, shot the Californian with a 12-guage Mossberg he kept around for the birds, and deftly caught the bottle. The Texan's jaw dropped nearly to his silver belt buckle and his eyes more...

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

'Last night, I made love to my wife four times,' the Frenchman bragged,' and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me.'

'Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,' the Italian responded,' and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man.'

When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked,' And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?'

'Once,' he replied.

'Only once?' the Italian arrogantly snorted.' And what did she say to you this morning?'

'Don't stop.'

Actual Personal Ads taken from Israeli newspapers

Attractive Jewish woman, 35, college graduate, seeks successful Jewish Prince Charming to get me out of my parents' house. POB 46

Shul Gabbai, 36. I take out the Torah Saturday morning. Would like to take you out Saturday night. Please write. POB 81

Couch potato latke, in search of the right applesauce. Let's try it for eight days. Who knows? POB 43.

Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shul with, light shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion not important. POB 658

Sincere rabbinical student, 27. Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha B'av, Taanis Esther, Tzom Gedaliah, Asarah B'Teves, Shiva Asar B'Tammuz. Seeks companion for living life in the "fast" lane. POB 90

Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos. Seeks same in woman. POB 43

Worried about in-law meddling? I'm an orphan! Write. POB more...