Geography Jokes / Recent Jokes

We all know that Columbus believed the world was round when others believed it was flat and that if you traveled far enough you would go over the edge. We also know that Columbus reached what we now know as America. While there are still a few who believe Columbus returned to Spain and told Queen Isabella that he discovered a new world, most believe he had told her he had reached India.

Recently documents written by Queen Isabella's official scribe were uncovered revealing what Columbus actually said on returning from his first voyage. His first words were, "I'll bet I'm the first man who ever got nineteen hundred miles on a galleon."

The Geography of a Woman------------------------Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas. Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars. Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty. Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit. Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary. Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away. Between the ages of 60 - 70 a more...

this was an actual news clipping from a paper.
[or at least i think it was]
plane crash in norway
A small two seater plane crashed last night in a cemetary. There were no survivors. Digging ensued during the morining hours so far 837 bodies have been recovered. more is expected as digging goes on during the day...

Once upon a time, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things," God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely more...

The discovery of fly in the soup can mean different reponses to different diners in different countries.

In France the soup if eaten and the fly is left high and dry on the side of the plate.

In Enlgand the fly is quietly and discreetly removed and hidden under a serviette.

In Australia the soup is sent back to the kitchen, the fly is removed and the same soup returned.

In America the soup and the fly are subpoenaed as evidence for the ensuing litigation.

In Italy the diner storms into the kitchen and cuts up the chef.

In the Orient the fly is eaten first and washed down by the soup.

In Scotland the fly is wrung out and then the soup is consumed.

In Israel the bill is quickly amended. The fly is extra.

In India the diner complains; "Waiter, what's this? Only one fly?"

Hell happens to be multi-cultural:

The Germans are the police force,

The Italians the defence force,

The Indonesians are in charge of housing,

The Indians run the railways,

The Irish make the laws,

The Enlish are the cooks

..... and the common language is Dutch.

Q: How does a drunken Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?

A: Very satisfying