Geography Jokes / Recent Jokes
A newcomer to Portland arrives on a rainy day. She gets up the next day and it's raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that. She goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and, out of despair, asks,' 'Hey, kid, does it ever stop raining around here?'' The kid says,' 'How should I know? I'm only 6.''
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''I can't believe it,' ' said the tourist.' 'I've been here in Portland an entire week and it's done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?''' 'Well, that's hard to say,'' replied the local.' 'Last year, it was on a Wednesday.''
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What do you call two straight days of rain in Portland? An average weekend.
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In Portland, what do you call a sunny day which follows two wet ones? Monday.
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What did the more...
A gal from the South and a gal from the North were seated side by side on a plane. The gal from the South, being friendly and all, said:
''So, where ya'll from?''
The Northern gal said,' 'From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.''
The gal from the South sat quietly for a few moments and then replied:' 'So, where ya'll from, bitch?''
A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.
She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.
She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?"
Replied the Kuwaiti woman: "Land mines"
Teacher: What Is The Height Of Himalaya. Ramesh: 5. 2cm. Teacher: How Do You Know That? Ramesh: I Measured It In My Geography Textbook.
YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN SAN FRANCISCO WHEN:
Getting a really great parking spot can move you to tears.
You know that anyone wearing shorts in June is just visiting from Ohio.
A man walks on BART in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't notice.
You curse those damn tourists - but always stop to help a cute person who is holding a city map, looking puzzled.
Each time you drive under an underpass, for one moment you think' earthquake.'
Your co-worker tells you s/he has eight body piercings - none are visible.
You take the bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
The guy who cuts your hair is straight, and your plumber is gay.
The woman who delivers your mail is straight, and your Mary Kay Lady is gay.
Old friends you haven't talked to in years suddenly call.' Do you have a spare bedroom for a weekend?'
You think anyone more...
An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems....
"Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible" he says, "there is a 20 pound note lodged up here." Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a 10 pound note appears.
"This is amazing!" exclaims the Doctor. What do you want me to do?"
"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!" shrieks the patient.
The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc.... Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.
"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's och batt er. How moch was in dare den?"
The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "1,990 pounds, exactly."
"Ah, dat'd be roit, says the Irishman. knew I wasn't quite feeling two more...