Giant Jokes / Recent Jokes

Woman: Doctor, my husband tells me my pussy's too big. So I'd like you to tell me if you find it unusual.Doctor: Please, take off your clothes and I'll have you examined.Doctor (shouting): What a giant pussy! What a giant pussy! Woman (angry): Did you have to say it twice?!? Doctor: I didn't! I didn't!

As the Jolly Green Giant could tell you, there's nothing like a good pea.

THERE WAS THESE 2 MEN AND A BLONDE.ONE DAY, THE FIRST MAN WENT HUNTING AND CAME BACK WITH A GIANT RABBIT.THE SENCOND MAN AND THE BLONDE ASKED HOW DID U GET THAT? THE FIRST MAN SAID I FOLLOWED THE TRACKS! THEN THE SECOND MAN WENT OFF AND FOLLOWED THE TRACKS AND CAME BACK WITH BACK WITH A GIANT RABBIT.THE BLONDE ASKED HOW DID U GET THAT? I FOLLOWED THE TRACKS.THE NEXT DAY THE BLONDE SET OUT AND FOLLOWED THE TRACKS AND HEARD A CHOO! CHOO!

If you were attacked by giant mutants, what would you do? Most people would run. Some would hide, and the video recorders would record it and put it on television.
Last week, humans won a war against giant vicious demons called, "Razzoopis". Razzoopis are Godzilla-sized monsters that have rock hard bodies, and breath fire.
No one knows why it came, or how it was defeated, but the other humans had a feeling that the humans gave back its baby.

There are 2 men sitting in a bar and they are drinking their beers when one of the men looks to the end of the bar and realizes that Neil Armstrong is sitting at the end of the bar. After some debate amongst themselves whether the man is Armstrong or not, one of the men gathers up the nerve to go up to the man and ask if indeed he is the American Icon.
He gets to the end of the bar and asks, ''excuse me sir, I couldn't help but notice that you are Neil Armstrong.
Mr. Armstrong replies, ''well yes I am how may I help you?'' The man states that it was a pleasure to meet him since Neil Armstrong has always been a big idol and role model in his life. Mr. Armstrong thanks him and asks him what he does for a living. ''I am a journalist'' replies the man. Mr. Armstrong gives a sigh and replies ''Oh, Okay.'' The man continues and asks him if he has a problem with journalists. Mr. Armstrong says no but states that reporters and the media had misquoted him on his moon walk statement. more...

Great news! Kurt Metzger has begun writing a How-To book about standup comedy! It's called "How To Do Comedy!" by Kurt Metzger. It is almost entirely lifted from the shitty book by Judy Carter about standup, except I made it better!
Here is an excerpt! Enjoy!
Chapter 1
P. 1- Intro.
Do you think you are funny? Are people constantly laughing and pointing at your many handicaps? Do people wet their pants when you say things, or sometimes laugh so hard that they wet your pants? Do you dream of having your own sitcom about your hilarious times growing up as a fat Italian even though you are black? Do you have what it takes to pay me upwards of 15 American dollars for a book about standup comedy? If the answer is yes, then you, sir, may have the dedication and substance abuse problem it takes to become a working, standup comic! If you do, read on, but only if you are indeed a sir and not a ma'am, as women are not funny. (More on this topic in Chapter 3: Women are more...

Microsoft Trademarks the Trademark Symbol

By Vince Sabio HumourNet Communications, Ltd.

REDMOND, Wash (UPI) - Software and marketing giant Microsoft Corporation (MSFT) announced today that it has purchased the rights to the well-known "trademark" symbol, formerly denoted as "tm" in most print media.

The symbol is commonly used to identify commercial product names that have not yet been registered with the U. S. Patent and Trademark Office.

"It was a natural," commented John Schexnader, of Microsoft`s Ministry of Information. "Several of us were sitting around after a board meeting a few months ago, and we were talking about what we should buy next. We were tossing around the idea of purchasing a country or two in South America, as kind of a follow-up to Sun Microsystems` trademark-infringement claim against The Island Formerly Known As Java, when it occurred to us that there are no countries named more...