"How To Do Comedy, Part One" joke

Great news! Kurt Metzger has begun writing a How-To book about standup comedy! It's called "How To Do Comedy!" by Kurt Metzger. It is almost entirely lifted from the shitty book by Judy Carter about standup, except I made it better!
Here is an excerpt! Enjoy!
Chapter 1
P. 1- Intro.
Do you think you are funny? Are people constantly laughing and pointing at your many handicaps? Do people wet their pants when you say things, or sometimes laugh so hard that they wet your pants? Do you dream of having your own sitcom about your hilarious times growing up as a fat Italian even though you are black? Do you have what it takes to pay me upwards of 15 American dollars for a book about standup comedy? If the answer is yes, then you, sir, may have the dedication and substance abuse problem it takes to become a working, standup comic! If you do, read on, but only if you are indeed a sir and not a ma'am, as women are not funny. (More on this topic in Chapter 3: Women are Not Funny.) Read On!,
P. 2
What are you, some kind of fat, stupid jackass? When I said "You may have what it takes," what I meant was, "You definitely do not have what it takes." Is that clear enough for you, you fat fuck? Why don't you try a job better suited to you, like giant ass model, or pie-eating contest champion? Now take your chubby mitts off my book and wheelbarrow your six tits back to the carnival! Got it? Or is that too complex to sink into your giant, greasy head?
P. 3
Congratulations! If you got past that last page, then it means you have what it takes to work in the dying medium of standup comedy! Also, it means you aren't fat. Thank God for that, because I am sick and tired of overweight comics!
As I mentioned, the two requirements for making people laugh are buying my book and being a slender drug user. There is also some other stuff.

comments (0)