Kurt Jokes

Kurt and Megan (a blonde) were bored in math class and one day when they decided to play "The Calculator Game". I'm sure many people reading this remember it - it's the one where you enter "1 + 1 =" into your calculator and continue pressing the "=" sign. The goal is to see who can get to the highest number while the math teacher is talking. Bring back any memories? Anyways, Kurt and Megan waited until the teacher started talking, and the contest was on! Fingers were pushing the "=" sign like mad. A hour and a half later, Kurt and Megan compared results. Kurt showed his number: 5,318,008. Megan said, "I don't get it. I was feeling so clever and I thought I'd play a trick on you, but I'm still at 1!!!"
"Well, what trick did you play?" Said Kurt.
Megan said, "I know that multiplication makes numbers bigger than addition does, so instead of pushing 1 + 1 =, =, =, =,..., I pushed 1 x 1 = = = = =..."

What does Kurt Cobain and Michaelangelo have in common? They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

Returning from a lengthy trip away, Kurt had very romantic hopes for his first night home. Sharing his hopes with his wife, she replied, "I'm sorry dear. I have cleaning and laundry to do. Another time, ok."
Kurt tried again the next night, only to have his wife tell him, "I just can't dear. I have this horrible headache, but give me a rain check."
By the third night, Kurt was growing very impatient. Approaching his wife once more, he said urgently, "How about it, honey?"
Snapping back at him, she said, "Look, this is the third night in the row. What the hell are you, a sex maniac?"

I don't know if you saw Oprah a few days ago, but the winners of the "Young People Write an Essay About the Holocaust Contest" were announced. Fifty young people from around the country were selected to appear on Oprah's show and read portions of their essays, then watch Oprah cry with a real-life Holocaust survivor. Why do I think the contest was rigged? It's because my essay was not chosen, even though I am a young person and, like Oprah, I totally believe in angels.

Luckily, I have a forum for my essay (Which my angels helped me write, by the way.) on Daily Comedy. Here it is. I think that after reading it you will agree that my holocaust essay's not being chosen is the biggest travesty in history since the holocaust.
Oprah is Better Than Hitler
An Essay by Kurt Metzger and Angels

Hi, my name is Kurt and I hate the holocaust. It was totally not cool. If I ever had the chance to meet Hitler, I would tell him that he is a jerk and his mustache did more...

Kurt: I Spent 8 Hours Over My Spelling Book Last Night.
Teacher: It's Wonderful That You Spent So Much Time Studying.
Kurt: Who Said Anything About Studying? My Spelling Book Was Under My Bed When I Went To Sleep!