Gift Jokes / Recent Jokes
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary.
The husband gave his wife a gift ~ a tombstone, with the inscription: "Here lies my wife ~ cold as ever."
Later, the furious wife bought a return gift ~ also a tombstone ~ on which the inscription read: Here lies my husband ~ stiff at last."
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's
birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful
consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right
note: romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom
and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of
panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got
the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the
contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his
sweetheart with the following note:
"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of
wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for
your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but
she wears short ones that are easier to remove.
"These are a more...
The perfect gift for people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
She had a wedding to go to, and needed a wedding gift. Aha, thought she, I have that monogrammed silver tray from my wedding that I never use. I'll just take it to a silversmith and have him remove my monogram and put hers on it. Voila, one cheap wedding present.
So, she took it to the silversmith and asked him to remove her monogram and put the new one on.
The silversmith took a look at the tray, shook his head and said, "Lady, this can only be done so many times!"
Little Johnny and his mom and dad were moving to a different house. After getting situated, unpacking, etc., Little Johnny told his mom that it still didn't feel like his old home. His mom was thinking of something of which he had wanted a long time in his room.
So she whispered in her husband's ear, "I'm getting him that chair that he has wanted for a long time. I'll be back in 2 hours with his gift. Maybe it'll cheer him up."
So she got in the car and drove away. She got back in only an hour; the stores weren't crowded at all. Her husband was shocked how early she got home. He said, "Wow, honey you made great time."
Little Johnny got his gift, but he told his mom that it still didn't really feel like home. So he went outside, like he was looking for somthing. After a while, he found a woman hiding in the bushes.
Little Johnny's mom was puzzled, and wondered who this woman was. Little Johnny brought her into the house. He took her top off, and more...
The following information was gained through much arduous research
involving men and women from all backgrounds and walks of life. It
consists of the most often asked questions of women (i. e..
relationships, sex and life in general). All women who read this are
encouraged to use the wisdom contained therein to change their
behavior in accordance with the truths established below.
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it
comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're
not emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to
remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question.
Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that more...
One year, a particular harried husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"