Gimme Jokes

"Gimme a double whiskey!" the little boy yelled to the barmaid as he entered the saloon.
"Do you want to get me in trouble?" she asked.
The lad replied: "Maybe later- but right now, I just want a drink."

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight."

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort.

The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one."

The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?"

So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn't believe this was happening, and I hadn't had a good more...

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once. I need something to keep me horny.. keep me potent."
The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label **Viagra Extra Strength** and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go nuts for twelve hours."
The guy says, "Gimme three boxes."
The next day, the guy walks into the same pharmacy, limps up to the pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and skin is hanging off in some places.
In a pained voice, the man moans out, "Gimme a bottle of Deep Heat."
The pharmacist replies in horror, "You can't put Deep Heat on that!"
The man replies, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."

A lady walks into a bar and says," Barkeep, gimme a martooni." The bartender goes back and fixes her a martini. She downs it and says, "Barkeep, gimme another martooni." So he goes back and fixes her another martini. She downs that, and just sits there and doesn't say anything. Finally after about 10 minutes bartender says," Would you like another?" She says," Oh, no, I got this terrible heartburn."
The bartender says, "Okay, there are three things wrong here:
Number 1: It's martini, not martooni.
Number 2: It's bartender, not barkeep, and
Number 3: You're not having heartburn, your boob's in the ash tray."

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny... keep me potent."

The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go nuts for twelve hours."

The guy says, "Gimme three boxes."

The next day the guy walks into the same pharmacy goes up to the pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's jewels are black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places.

The man says, "Gimme a bottle of Ben Gay."

The pharmacist replies, "Ben Gay? You're not going to put Ben Gay on that are you?"

The man says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls never showed more...