Girls Jokes / Recent Jokes

Don't ever lie to us; we always find out.
We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.
Don't say you understand when you don't.
Girls are petty; get over it.
You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like.
Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
If you talk about having a big dick; we know you don't.
Size does matter.
We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big; we like it when you are Mr. Big.
A system in your car only impresses your homeboys.
No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe.
It's good to be sensitive, sometimes.
If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.
Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie won't always cut it.
We are self-conscious by nature; we can't help it.
We are drama queens.
Fashion police do exist.
Don't ask us to give head; if you are nice you just might get it.
We more...

All girls are born good. Experience makes them better.

Men should never marry a woman for her beauty alone. That is rather like buying a house just because you like the way it's painted.
My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, and so made sure that she would stay, in better spirits night and day.
My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm damn lucky to have them.
My other wife is beautiful.
My wife and I have a perfect understanding; I don't try to run her life and I don't try to run mine.
My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it.
My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them.
My wife ran off with my best friend last week. Gawd, I miss him!
My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.
My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.
Not all men are fools. Some are bachelors.
Nowadays, the only place a single woman can find the best man is at a wedding.
One of more...

These are advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country (or so we are led to believe)Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

Little Maggie asked her mother Mom do girls come apart?
Her mother ask Thats a strange question, why do you ask?
Because I heard daddy tell the lady next door Id like to screw your ass off.

Men should never marry a woman for her beauty alone. That is rather like buying a house just because you like the way it's painted.My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, and so made sure that she would stay, in better spirits night and day.My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm damn lucky to have them.My other wife is beautiful.My wife and I have a perfect understanding; I don't try to run her life and I don't try to run mine.My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it.My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them.My wife ran off with my best friend last week. Gawd, I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.Not all men are fools. Some are bachelors.Nowadays, the only place a single woman can find the best man is at a wedding.One of the safest ways to assure a happy marriage is to be sure more...

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked,"Mommy, can little girls have babies?""No", said his mom, "of course not."Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to hisfriends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"