Glad Jokes / Recent Jokes

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe. I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breastsI can get where I want to - north, south, east or westI don't get wasted after only 2 beersand when I do drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to wear, I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hairand I don't go around checking my reflectionin everything shiny from every direction. I don't whine in public and make us leave earlyand when you ask why get all bitter and surly. I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could singI don't have to sit around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the backI don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you or think every guy out there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical tooI know what the time is and I know what to do. And I honestly think its a privilege for me to have these two balls more...

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe; I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts; I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west. I don't get wasted after only 2 beers; and when I do drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to wear; I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. And I don't go around checking my reflection; in everything shiny from every direction. I don't whine in public and make us leave early; and when you ask why get all bitter and surly. I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing; I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back; I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you; or think every guy out there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too; I know what the time is and I know what to do. And I honestly think its a more...

There was an international conference and a luncheon following at the U.N.
The G.B. representative started to offer a toast:
To the women of the Eastern Hemisphere!
The Chinese representative then followed:
To the women of the Western Hemisphere!
The Italian representative thought for a moment, and then said:
To the two hemispheres of women!
At a golf club a bunch of women are having tea. Then one woman
discovers that the men's locker room at some distance below their balcony
has its door ajar. And a man is taking a shower with his head unseen.
So this woman chuckles and says: "I am glad that that is not my husband-how
embarrassing!" A second woman acknowledges: "I am glad that he is not my
boyfriend....hmmm!"
A third woman then says:
"I don't know whether he is my husband or not, but I sure know that
he is not any of the men here at this golf club."
Ray Wong, bu000756(or rkw)@cisunx.UUCP

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN
I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe; I don't live off of yogurt,
diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't bitch to my girlfriends about
the size of my breasts; I can get where I want to -- north, south,
east or west. I don't get wasted after only 2 beers; and when I do
drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to
wear; I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. And I don't go around
checking my reflection; in everything shiny from every direction. I
don't whine in public and make us leave early; and when you ask why
get all bitter and surly.
I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing; I don't have to sit
around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab
them in the back; I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll
never go psycho and threaten to kill you; or think every guy out
there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical
too; I more...

okay so me joey and nick are drivin down the road and we get pulled over by a chick oficer and she says if u can show me forty inches of dick ill let u go so i pull mine out 20inches joey pulls his out 39inches and then nick pulls his out we hit forty exactly then she lets us go so were driven away and i say im glad mine is 20in joey says hes glad his is 39in and nick says man u guys are lucky i was hard

ODE TO A SPELL CHECKERby Jerrold H ZarI have a spelling checker. It came with my PC. It plane lee marks four my revue Miss steaks aye can knot sea. Eye ran this poem threw it, Your sure reel glad two no. Its vary polished in it's weigh. My checker tolled me sew. A checker is a bless sing. It freeze yew lodes of thyme. It helps me right awl stiles two reed, And aides me when aye rime. Each frays come posed up on my screen Eye trussed too be a joule. The checker pours o'er every word To cheque sum spelling rule. Bee fore a veiling checker's Hour spelling mite decline, And if we're lacks oar have a laps, We wood bee maid to wine. Butt now bee cause my spelling Is checked with such grate flare, Their are know fault's with in my cite, Of nun eye am a wear. Now spelling does knot phase me, it does knot bring a tier. My pay purrs awl due glad den With wrapped word's fare as hear. To rite with care is quite a feet Of witch won should bee proud, And wee mussed dew the best wee can, Sew flaw's more...