"Men and Women" joke

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN
I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe; I don't live off of yogurt,
diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't bitch to my girlfriends about
the size of my breasts; I can get where I want to -- north, south,
east or west. I don't get wasted after only 2 beers; and when I do
drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to
wear; I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. And I don't go around
checking my reflection; in everything shiny from every direction. I
don't whine in public and make us leave early; and when you ask why
get all bitter and surly.
I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing; I don't have to sit
around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab
them in the back; I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll
never go psycho and threaten to kill you; or think every guy out
there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical
too; I know what the time is and I know what to do. And I honestly
think its a privilege for me; to have these two balls and stand when I
pee. I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball; it's more fun
than dealing with women after all. I won't cry if you say it's not
going to work; I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk. Feel free to
use me for immediate pleasure; I won't assume it's permanent by any
measure.
Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see; I'm glad I'm not capable of
child delivery. I don't get all bitchy every 28 days; I'm glad that my
gender gets me a much bigger raise. I'm a man by chance and I'm
thankful it's true; I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!
I'M GLAD I'M A WOMAN
I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am; I don't live off of
Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam. I don't brag to my buddies about my
erections; I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions. I don't
get wasted at parties and act like a clown; and I know how to put that
damned toilet seat down! I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your
butt; my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut. And I don't go
around "re-adjusting" my crotch; or yell like Tarzan when my headboard
gets a notch. I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind! I'm glad I'm a woman,
I'm so glad I could sing; I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back; when I lean over you
can't see three inches of crack. And what's on my head doesn't leave
with my comb; I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome. Or have a few
hairs pulled from over the side; I'm a woman, you know - I've got far
too much pride! And I honestly think its a privilege for me; to have
these two boobs and squat when I pee. I don't live to play golf and
shoot basketball; I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal. I won't
tell you my wife just does not understand; or stick my hand in my
pocket to hide that gold band. Or tell you a story to make you sigh
and weep; then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see; forget all about that old
penis envy. I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks;
join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick. I'm a woman by
chance and I'm thankful, it's true; I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a
man like you!