Gloves Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Englishman, an Irish man and a Scotsman were in the pub deciding what they were going to buy for their wives for Christmas.
The Englishman said, "I'm going to buy my wife a necklace and a scarf.
That way, if she doesn't like the necklace, she can wear the scarf on top and she won't be embarrassed, I won't be embarrassed, and we'll have a happy Christmas"
Next is was the Scotsman's turn. "I'm going to buy my wife a bracelet and some long gloves. That way, if she doesn't like the bracelet, she can wear the gloves on top and she won't be embarrassed, I won't be embarrassed, and we'll have a happy Christmas."
Finally they asked the Irishman what he was going to buy. "Well I'm going to buy my wife a bright red hat and a vibrator," said the Irishman.
"If she doesn't like the hat, she can go fuck herself."

To combat the heat in the 1950 Tour de France, ABD-EL KADER Zaag drank a bottle of wine and promptly fell off his bike. After sleeping it off by the roadside, he climbed back in the saddle and sped off... in the wrong direction.

In May, 1986, 52-year-old PEDRO GATICA cycled from his home in Argentina to Mexico for the soccer World Cup, only to find on arrival that he couldn't afford to get in. While he haggled for a ticket, thieves stole his bike.

Cuban postman FELIZ CARVAJAL was denied a medal in the 1904 Olympic marathon when he stopped en route to talk to spec- tators and eat unripe fruit. The resulting indigestion relegated him to fourth place.

Batting at Kalgoorlie, Australia, in the 1970s cricketer STAN DAWSON was hit by a delivery which ignited a box of matches in his pocket. As he tried to beat down the flames, he was run out.

Preparing for a bout at the 1992 New York Golden Gloves Championships, boxer DANIEL CARUSO psyched himself more...

The gift
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's
birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful
consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right
note; romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to
Nordstom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased
a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister
got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking
the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his
sweetheart with the following note:
"I choose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing
any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I
would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short
ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady
I more...

wanted to purchase a gift for his new
sweetheart`s birthday and as they had not been dating
very long, after careful consideration, he decided a
pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic
but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart`s
younger sister, he went to Nordstrom`s and bought a
pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of
panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and
the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart
got the panties.
Without checking the contents, the young man sealed
the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the
following note:
"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in
the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.
If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen
the long ones with the buttons but she wears short ones
that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade,
but the more...

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves..."Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No?" "Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."And she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"

A dentist was preparing to clean an elderly woman's teeth. Noticing that she appeared to be a little nervous, he began to tell her a story while he was putting on his rubber gloves.
"Do you know how these rubber gloves are made?" he asked.
"No I don't," she replied.
"Down in Mexico there is a big building set up with a large tank of latex," he spoofed. "The workers there are all picked according to hand size. Each worker goes up to the tank, dips their hands in and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets and dries right onto their hands. Then they peel off the gloves and deposit them in the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and begin the process all over again."
The woman didn't laugh at all! Five minutes into the cleaning procedure, the dentist had to stop because she burst out laughing.
"Oh my," the blushing woman exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"

Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed. That somehow they "lick" themselves clean. Well contrary to this popular belief, cats do NOT have some enzyme in their saliva that resembles Tide (with or without bleach).Cats, like their nemesis, the dog, do get dirty and have a variety of odors, from smelling like the outhouse where you camped last year to the same odor as your dog's breath. (Remember, your dog will try to eat anything.) Now we all know that cats HATE water. And we know that giving the cat a sedative to ease this process of a bath is out of the question.So, the best approach is both sneaky and direct. Remember now, this is not the dumb dog who can be led to tub with lies and a trail of Kibbles and Bits.Although your cat has the advantage of smarts, quickness and total lack of concern for you, you have the advantage of size, strength, and the ability to wear protective garments.1. First, dress for the occasion. A 4-ply rubber wet suit is more...