Goal Jokes / Recent Jokes

Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
House passes gas tax onto senate
Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
William Kelly was fed secretary
Milk drinkers are turning to powder
Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
Farmer bill dies in house
Iraqi head seeks arms
Some become unintentionally suggestive:
Queen Mary having bottom scraped
Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes appeal to Pope
Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over
NJ judge to rule on nude beach
Child's stool great for use in garden
Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
Organ festival ends in smashing climax
Grammar often botches other headlines:
Eye drops off more...

Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post? A: A goal post that can't march.Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.Q: What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goalpost? A: A goalpost that can't march.Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn? A: Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other? A: "Hi. I did that piece in junior high."Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.Q: How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section? A: Have them miss every other note.Q: What is the difference between a french horn section and a '57 Chevy? A: You can tune a '57 Chevy.Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other? A: "Hi. I more...

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper:' Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?'' Yes,' the professor ansvered.' When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.'' Well,' said the gatekeeper.' That is a very minor sin. You may enter.'' Thank you very much, Saint Peter,' the professor ansvered.' Im am not Saint Peter,' said the gatekeeper.' He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas.'

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.

Why did the goal post get angry? Because the bar was rattled!

1. Well, it's Liverpool two, Ipswich nil, and if the score stays this way, I've got to fancy Liverpool for the win.2. He had an eternity to play that ball, but took too long.3. And so they have not been able to improve on their 100% record.4. With the last kick of the game, he scored with a header.5. Well, it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour: almost all the Brazilians are wearing yellow shirts.6. If that had gone on, it would definitely have been a goal.7. Their manager, Howard Wilkinson, isn't here today, which strongly suggests that he may be elsewhere.8. I am a firm believer that if one team scores a goal, the other need to score two to win.9. If a team scores early on, it often takes an early lead.10. You cannot possibly have counted the number of passes made, but there were eight.

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: ‘Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret? ’ ‘Yes, ’ the professor ansvered. ‘When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now. ’ ‘Well, ’ said the gatekeeper. ‘That is a very minor sin. You may enter. ’ ‘Thank you very much, Saint Peter, ’ the professor ansvered. ‘Im am not Saint Peter, ’ said the gatekeeper. ‘He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas. ’