Goal Jokes / Recent Jokes
Rules of Bedroom Football
1. There is a vast difference in grounds with regards to length and width, although they all conform within basic requirements.
2. Premiership grounds are all of high quality with well developed East and West stands.
3. Pitches vary from the well-grassed to the completely bald.
4. Remember it is always possible to score at both ends, but one end may always be preferable.
5. Bizarrely enough, shooting over the bar is sometimes preferred.
6. Take care not to be red carded in the tackle.
7. Tackling from behind is not always an offence - check with ground owner.
8. Be careful, as after a few pints a ground appears to be of premiership standard but in reality would not even be eligible for the Sidcup Social league.
9. Only some grounds offer five-a-side facilities.
10. Handling balls is allowed.
11. Some protection should be worn.
12. Singing songs about other players is banned.
13. Extra time may occur even if more...
Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post?
A: A goal post that can`t march.
Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he`ll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.
Q: What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goalpost?
A: A goalpost that can`t march.
Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn?
A: Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.
Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other?
A: "Hi. I did that piece in junior high."
Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he`ll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.
Q: How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section?
A: Have them miss every other note.
Q: What is the difference between a French horn more...
A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret? Yes, the professor ansvered. When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now. Well, said the gatekeeper. That is a very minor sin. You may enter. Thank you very much, Saint Peter, the professor ansvered. Im am not Saint Peter, said the gatekeeper. He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas.
Two gay men walk into a Room, Followed by a straight guy.
"Hey how you doin Man, Im Tom and this is my pal gerry!
"Nice to meet you fellas! Im Bill.
"So uh! Me and gerry came up with this game you wanna play.
"Uh sure says Bill how?
A FART IS A FILED GOAL
A BIRP IS A TOUCHDOWN
GO!
TOM:FARTS= FIELD Goal
Gerry: Burps=Touchdown
Bill:Farts=BLOCKED
Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar? All of them, a crossbar cant jump!
Tis building is firing, and one women is trying escape from the building with her kid in hand in the top floor of the building. All the people out side the building telling her to throw the kid we all will catch dont worry, but the women(mother)is not sure about the people.
She said No I cant do that. At the same One Goal Keeper(football) said, Hey lady throw the kid, I will surely catch dont worry, because I was one of the worldclass Goal Keeper, Dont worry Throw I will catch him. Now the women thinking I cannot hold this, I have to throw the kid down orelse we both we be burn and die, finally, she decided to throw the kid to Goal keeper and the crowd and threw.
The Goal Haaa haaa everybody go away I will catch him I will catch, dont worry, finally He ran and came close to the kid and caught him(kid), but he never forget his Play, as usual in football match when ball comes his hands will hv to hit sooner to players, As same way he taken the kid in his hand hit into the more...
Whatsamatta University's Seminars For Men Fall Catalogue Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.
1. Combatting Stupidity
2. You Too Can Do Housework
3. Resistance to Beer
4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards)
6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4: 00am
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called "Don't Wash My Silks")
9. Get A Life - Learn To Cook
10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong
11. Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right
12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13. You, The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons To Give more...