Goalkeeper Jokes

Difference between soccer players can be seen in a cornerkick rebound:chelsea player-force the shot,barcelona player-dribble past two players and take the shot,manchester united player-fake the shot and pass to a better positioned player,arsenal player-fake the shot and dribble past two players then pass to your own goalkeeper...

A soccer goalkeeper was walking along the street one day when he heard screams from a nearby building. He looked up to see smoke billowing from a fourth-floor window and a woman leaning out holding a baby.
“Help! Help! ” screamed the woman, “I need someone to catch my baby! ”
A crowd of onlookers had gathered, but none was confident about catching a baby dropped from such a great height. then the goalkeeper, stepped forward. “I’m a professional goalkeeper, ” he called to the woman. “I’m renowned for my safe hands. Drop the baby and I will catch it. For me, it will be just like catching a ball. ”
The woman agreed: “Ok, then. When I drop my baby, treat it as if you were catching a ball. ”
On a count of three, the woman dropped the baby. Everyone held their breath as the goalkeeper lined himself up to catch it. There was a huge sigh of relief, followed by wild cheering as the goalkeeper caught the baby safely in his arms. Then he bounced it more...

A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he hears a woman screaming and detects a faint smell of burning in the air. He runs down the street and around a corner and sees a huge group of people standing watching a blazing building. On the tenth floor of the building a woman, clutching a bundle to her chest, is leaning out of a window screaming for someone to save her baby.
The man steps forward and calls up to the woman, "Throw down your baby and I'll catch it!"
"No! No!" the woman shouts back. "You might miss or drop my baby and she'll be killed!"
"No I won't!" shouts the man. "I am Alec Maguire. I'm the goalkeeper for Ireland's national football [soccer] team. I've never missed a match in ten years and in all that time I have never let the ball into my net."
"What? Not once?" calls the woman.
"No!" shouts back the man. "Not once. Every football player in the world agrees that I more...