Soccer Jokes

Cinderella Got Kiked off the Soccer Team Because
She Kept Running away from The Ball

It is the world cup qualifiers in 2006 Brazil vs Scotland Carlos says "We can't be bothered to play Scotland they are to easy".
"I'll take them on single handedly" Ronaldo said. "You go to the pub."
So later on they check the score Ronaldo 1 10: 00 mins
Scotland 0
Then they turn it of later on they say "the game should be finished check the score". Ronaldo 1 10: 00 mins
Scotland 1 89: 00 mins
Then Ronaldo comes down and says "I let you down" NO you didn't you got a draw Carlos said "No I did I got sent of in the 12th minute.

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer.
The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?
Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?"
The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him - I was just trying to trip him up."

In an interview with Italian newspaper Gazzetta dello Sport, soccer player Marco Materazzi revealed the circumstances surrounding the infamous head-butt at this year's World Cup.
Apparently, after grabbing French player Zinedine Zidane's shirt, Zidane said to him, "If you want, I'll give you the jersey later." Materazzi then responded, "I would prefer your sister."
Now, what's so bad about saying you find someone's sister preferable to a sweaty jersey? It would have been a lot worse if he said, "Better that jersey than your sister." Or, how about, "The only thing I want less than that smelly, dirty jersey is your sister. Matter of fact, you could line a hamster cage with that jersey, and it would still be better than your nasty sister. You could roll that thing in horse manure and, ref, time out, I'm on a roll, you could roll that shirt in horse manure..."

Sam and John were out cutting wood, and John cut his arm off. Sam wrapped the
arm in a plastic bag and took it and John to a surgeon. The surgeon said, "You
are in luck! I am an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in four hours."
Sam came back in four hours and the surgeon said, "I got done faster than I
expected to. John is down at the local pub." Sam went to the pub and saw John
throwing darts.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were out again, and John cut his leg off. Sam
put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the surgeon. The
surgeon said, "Legs are a little tougher - come back in six hours."
Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, "I finished early - John's down
at the soccer field." Sam went to the soccer field and there was John, kicking
goals.
A few weeks later, John had a terrible accident and cut his head off. Sam put
the head in a plastic bag and took it more...