Soccer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many soccer players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 15 - One to put the bulb in, 10 to kiss him afterwards, and the other side's back four to all stand around and put their hands up.

Q: How many soccer players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Five. One to get into position to screw it in, one to kick the legs out from under him, one to snatch the lightbulb and pass it to his mate who, then goes and screws it in over the other side of the room, and one to roll around on the floor pretending to be really injured.

(here is where i would put the picture if i weren't technologically retarded)

caption:
he should at least be wearing a world cup

A nice old man gets a job as grounds keeper at an elementery school. One day he noticed a little boy standing all by himself at the end of a field while all the rest of the kids played socer. Feeling sorry for the little boy, he asked what the boy's name was and how he was doing. The boy said, "Uh, my name is Johnny, and I'm just fine." The man then asked Johnny why he was standing all by himself while all the rest of the kids played soccer. To which little Johnny replied, "Because I'm the other fuckin' goalie!"

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counsellor, and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer.

She approached and asked if he was alright. The boy said he was. A little while later however, she noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself. Approaching again, the blonde said, "Would you like me to be your friend?"The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously.Feeling she was making progress, she then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone? Why don't you go and join those boys playing soccer over there?""Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly,
sees the illegal lovers and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home.
She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already. The little Boy says: "Dark in here."
The Man says: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a soccer ball, do you want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!"
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$1, 000."
A few weeks later it happened again,
and the boy and the lover were in the cupboard together again.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have soccer boots."
The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?"
The Boy says: more...

Why did the soccer teacher give his team lighters?
Because they kept losing all their matches.