Gold Jokes / Recent Jokes

A judge was instructing the jury that because a witness changed his statement after giving it to the police, he should not necessarily be regarded as untruthful.
"For example," the judge said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was certain that I had my gold watch in my pocket, then I remembered that I had left it on my nightstand in my bedroom."
When the judge arrived home that evening, his wife asked, "Why so much urgency for your watch? Don't you think sending three men to pick it up for you was a bit extreme?"
"What?" exclaimed the judge. "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?"
"I gave it to the first one," replied his wife, "after all, he knew exactly where it was."

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.
Upon getting home he shows his wife the purchase he just made. "Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?" "They're in three colours", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What colour are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily. "Gold of course", says the man proudly!
The wife responds wryly, "Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!".

A judge was instructing the jury that because a witness changed his statement after giving it to the police, he should not necessarily be regarded as untruthful.
"For example," the Judge said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was certain that I had my gold watch in my pocket. Then I remembered that I had left it on my nightstand in my bedroom."
When the Judge arrived home that evening, his wife asked, "Why so much urgency for your watch? Don't you think sending three men to pick it up for you was a bit extreme?"
"What?" exclaimed the Judge. "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?"
"I gave it to the first one," replied his wife, "he knew exactly where it was."

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.
Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?"
"There are three colors", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What color are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course", says the man proudly.
The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver: it would be nice if you came second for a change!".

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Impressed, he purchases a pack.
As soon as he gets home, he excitedly shows his wife what he bought.
"Olympic condoms?" she blurts. "What makes them so special?
"There's three colors, honey," he explains. "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What color are you planning on wearing tonight?" she cheerfully asks.
"Gold, of course," he proudly replies.
"Why don't you wear Silver, dear," she responds wryly. "It would be nice if you came second for a change!"

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.
Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.
Upon getting home he shows his wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?"
"They're in three colours", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What colour are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course", says the man proudly!
The wife responds wryly, "Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!".

One day three men named Jimmy, Mike, and Sam found a genie in a bottle and the genie will grant everyone 1 wish if they yell what they want as you jump off a cliff. The first man, Jimmy, yells "
I want a billion dollars!"
. He jumps off the cliff and lands in a billion dollars. The next man, Mike jumps off the cliff and says, "
I want gold!"
and he lands in gold. The last man, Sam, runs to the edge of the cliff, trips over a rock and says, "
oh crap!"
and lands in a pile of poop.