Golden Jokes / Recent Jokes
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. more...
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.""Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this more...
A frog walks into a bank and says "I wanna loan."
"Well Mr.. frog, go over there to Mrs. Black's desk, she is the loan manager, I'm sure she will be happy to talk to you," The head desk says.
The frog hops over to Mrs. Patty Black's desk and says, "I wanna loan."
Mrs. Black says, "Well Mr. Frog, we will have to get some paperwork for you to sign, so if you will wait right here..." At this point the frog pulls out of his knapsack a golden disk and hands it over to her.
She asks, confused, "What is this?"
The frog croaks back, "I wanna loan." She rubs her head, and walks back to her boss and says, "I don't get it, a frog hops in here wanting a loan, and gives me this golden disk. Do you know what it is?"
The boss laughs and says, "It's a knick-knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!"
A frog walks into a bank and says "I wanna loan." "Well Mr.. frog, go over there to Mrs. Black's desk, she is the loan manager, I'm sure she will be happy to talk to you," The head desk says. The frog hops over to Mrs. Patty Black's desk and says, "I wanna loan." Mrs. Black says, "Well Mr. Frog, we will have to get some paperwork for you to sign, so if you will wait right here..." At this point the frog pulls out of his knapsack a golden disk and hands it over to her. She asks, confused, "What is this?" The frog croaks back, "I wanna loan." She rubs her head, and walks back to her boss and says, "I don't get it, a frog hops in here wanting a loan, and gives me this golden disk. Do you know what it is?" The boss laughs and says, "It's a knick-knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!"
A cab driver reached the Pearly Gates where he was met by St. Peter. After reading the entry for the cabby in his Big Book, St. Peter told him to grab a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.
Next in line behind the cabby was a preacher who had been observing these proceedings with great interest. St. Peter read the preacher's entry in his Big Book and said, "Ok, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."
Astonished, the preacher replied, "But, St. Peter, I am a man of the cloth! You gave the cab driver a silk robe and a golden staff. Surely I rate higher than a cabby."
"Here we are simply interested in results," St. Peter explained. "When you preached, people slept. When the cabby drove his taxi, people prayed."
There once was a Prince who, through no fault of his own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. He could, however, save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was permitted to speak two words. This was well before the time of letter writing or sign language.
One day he met a Princess who had luscious ruby lips, long golden hair and sapphire eyes, and he immediately fell in love. With the greatest of difficulty, he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he would be able to look at her and say, "My darling." However, at the end of the two years he wished to tell her he loved her. Because of this, he waited an additional three years without speaking, bringing the total number of silent years to five.
At the end of the five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years without more...