Golden Jokes / Recent Jokes

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City."St. Peter consults his list.He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn.He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary for the last forty-three years."St Peter consults his list.He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.""Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?""Up here, we more...

A Priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven? "
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York. "
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven. "
Now it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest,"Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven. "
"Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was a taxi driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden staff?"
"Results," more...

To the bride and groom - may we all be invited to your golden wedding celebrations...

The Hollywood Foreign Press Association, announced Wednesday that it had reached an agreement with the I.R.S. to satisfy past tax obligations and will no longer offer gift bags to all attendees of the Golden Globe awards.
They will however continue their policy of giving a Golden Globe award to every actor, director, producer, usher, seat filler, waitress, valet, and bathroom attendant who attends the lame-ass award ceremony.


Worth less than People's Choice Award
or 4 piece chicken nuggets meal at Wendy's

A couple were celebrating their Golden Wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of the long and happy marriage.
'Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,' explained the husband. 'We visited the Grand Canyon and took at trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, "That's once." We proceeded a little further when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice." We hadn't gone half a mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife took her little Derringer pistol out of her pocket and shot the mule.
‘I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, "That's once."'

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.
"Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.
"At this new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the urinal's gold!"
The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story. "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.
"Yes it is," bartender answers. "Do you have huge golden doors?"
"Sure do."
"Do you have golden floors?"
"Most certainly do."
"What about golden urinals?"
There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think more...

A minister has just died and is standing on line waiting to be judged and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in front of him about himself. "I'm a Jatt taxi driver from Neyw Yaark Seety."
Suddenly the angel standing at the gate calls out next, and the taxi driver steps up. The angel hands him a golden staff and a cornucopia of fruits, cheeses and wine and lets him pass. The taxi driver is quite pleased, and proceeds through the gates.
Next, the minister steps up to the angel and the angel hands him a wooden staff and some bread and water. The minister is very concerned and asks the angel, "That guy is a taxi driver and gets a golden staff and a cornucopia! I spend my entire life as a minister and get nothing! How can that be?"
The angel replies, "Up here we judge on results, all of your people sleep through your sermons, in his taxi, they pray."