Goldfish Jokes

Bar Joke
Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit
Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant.
Stuart: - No way - he's a stockbroker.
Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in
here!
The argument repeats itself until they are all drunk. Dave goes to the toilet.
On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.
Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder .
>>
Dave: - 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession
Dave: - Oh! What's that then?
Suit: - I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home?
Dave: - Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: - Well, it's more...

A neighbor peered over his fence and noticed that little Joey was in his backyard filling in a hole. Curious about what the youngster was up to, the neighbor asked, "What are you doing, Joey?"
Tearfully, little Joey replied, "My goldfish died and I've just buried him."
"That's an awfully large hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" the concerned neighbor asked.
Patting down the last bit of earth, little Joey replied, "That's because he's in your cat!"

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "Whatcha doing, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. "And I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

A guy walks into a tavern. There's a horse tending the bar, and on the counter behind the horse is a goldfish bowl full of 5 dollar bills.
The guy asks the man next to him, "What the hell is going on?"
The man says, "We have a contest going. You put a 5 dollar bill in the goldfish bowl, and if you make the horse laugh, you win all the money!"
The guy goes behind the bar, puts a 5 dollar bill in the goldfish bowl, whispers something to the horse, and the horse cracks up. The guy takes all the money out of the bowl and leaves the bar.
A few months later, he walks into the tavern again. The horse is still tending bar, but now the goldfish bowl is filled with 10 dolalr bills.
The guy asks, "Well, what's the contest now?"
The same man answers, "You have to make the horse cry!"
The guy goes behind the bar, puts a 10 dollar bill in the goldfish bowl, and leads the horse out the back door.
A few minutes later, they walk more...

Three women sailing in the Paciffic ran into a violent storm and the next morning woke up on a small island. After realizing what had happened to them the women go and whip up some fishing poles out of the materilals they had and went to catch them selves some food. One of the women realizing she caught a giant goldfish yelled to the other women to come over. When the 3 women quieted down they could hear the goldfish saying something to them. The goldfish had told them theat she would grant them each one wish if they agreed to release her. The first woman told the goldfish that she wanted to be returned home but to be returned 10 times smarter than anybody alive so the goldfish did as the women wished. The second women said the same thing except she said 15 times smarter than anybody alive and so the goldfish did. The third women said also the same thing but her number was 50 the goldfish realizing this was to much intelligence for a women turned her into a man and returned her home.