Golf Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here are six reasons why you should think before you
speak the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed more...

Why did the Aggie take a golf club and a baseball glove storm chasing with him? -To golf the golf ball size hail and catch the baseball size hail

Golfing Hitman

There are these friends who play golf together every Saturday. One Saturday they are getting ready to tee off when a guy, by himself, asks if he can join them. The friends look at each other and then look at the guy and say,' 'Sure.''

So they tee off. About two holes into the game, the friends get curious about what the guy does for a living. So they ask him. The stranger tells them he's a hitman. The friends all laugh.

The guy says,' 'No really, I am a hitman. My gun is in my golf bag. I carry it everywhere. You can take a look at it if you like.''

So one of the friends dicides to check it out. He opened the bag and, sure enough, there is a rifle with a huge scope attached. He gets all excited and says,' 'WOW! I bet I can see my house through here! May I look?'' The hit man replies,' 'Sure.''

So the guy looks for a second and says,' 'YEAH! You can see my house! I can even see through the windows into my bedroom. more...

Blokes and golfers need to read this! It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they
were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Bob. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife Debbie. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Debbie to get a full-time job along with her part time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she more...

A man, who was an average golfer, was on the 11th tee at Augusta. He promptly shanks a shot into the trees. Upon discovering his ball, he found it to be next to a witch.
The witch was stirring a pot of golfer's brew. The gentleman asked the witch what the brew was for. The witch responded that the brew would do two things; first he would become the best golfer in the world and secondly his sex life would go to hell. And like most golfers I know, he choose the brew and better golf.
A year goes by and the man has won every major championship and is world renowned for his golf game. But, upon arriving at the 11th tee at Augusta, he hits a shot in the same woods where he reunits with the witch.
The witch remembers him and asks, "How's your golf game?" He responds, "Fantastic!" Then she says, "How's your sex life?" He responds, "Not bad..."
The witch says "Not Bad? What do you mean not bad??" The man says "Twice last more...

A lady goes for her first golf lesson.
The pro says, "You've got to hold the club like you hold your husband's organ."
She takes the club and hits the ball.
He says, "Beautiful. Perfect shot. Right down the fairway. Now, take the club out of your mouth, put it in your hands, and we'll go for distance."

There was a businesswoman who just made a million dollars for an Arabian Oil Sheik. When she was leaving the Oil Sheik offered her Diamonds and rubies and a Silver-plated Rolls Royce, but she declined. The Sheik insisted so she said that she just started to golf and maybe a set of golf clubs would be nice. A few weeks later she received a telegram from the sheik. “So far I have bought you 3 golf clubs. I hope you aren't disappointed that only 2 of them have swimming pools."