Golf Jokes / Recent Jokes

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. "Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad, I couldn't see where the ball went." "You're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife. "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" "But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack. "Yes, but he's got perfect eyesight and can watch your ball for you," Tracy pointed out. The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Did you see where it went?" asked Jack. "Yup," Scott answered. "Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. "I forgot."

Tiger woods go to china for a golf game with a local Chinaman, The night before the big even he decides to go out into town and get him self a young prostitute. After buying her few drinks and full course meal, they retire to his hotel for the big event. During the action the girl starts to get louder and even screams of words that Tiger couldn't understand or comprehend.
He thought to him self hmm that probably a sign of enjoyment and he continued even faster and harder. The girl got louder and there was a tone of moaning of slight roughness and she started screaming " Masatho Masotho, Masatho owww weeee owwww Mosotho." Tiger for sure that that meat ohhh it feel so good. This went on for the night.
The next day at the golf course, with the Chinaman he starts his game and decide to let the chinaman put first. After successfully birding the put Chinaman stands fast for Tiger to put Tiger with great confidence puts and birdies and looks at the Chinaman takes a loud more...

Three duffers were out golfing with the club pro one day. The first duffer teed off and hit a dribbler about 60 yards. He turned to the pro and asked, "What did I do wrong?"The pro replied, "Loft."The next golfer teed off and duck hooked the ball into the woods. He asked the pro the same question.The pro again answered, "Loft."The third teed off and sliced into a pond. He too asked the pro, "What did I do wrong?"Again, "Loft."As they were walking down the fairway, the first duffer finally spoke up to the pro."All three of us hit completely different tee shots and yet when we asked you what we did wrong, you gave the same exact answer every time. So what does Loft mean?"The pro shook his head and said, "Lack of Friggin' Talent!"

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole."

He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for more...

A man was playing St Andrews for the first time and was hacking his way around the course much to the chagrin of his caddie The caddie struggled through the round and tried to keep quiet. On the final hole, the golfer hit yet another poor drive and then pitched back onto the fairway. He then asked his caddie," Can I get there with a 7-iron?" The caddie replied, "Sooner or later"

Sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Joe said to a fellow club member, "I'm not about to play golf with Jim Walsh anymore. He cheats.""Why do you say that?""Well, he found his lost ball two feet from the green.""That's possible.""Not when I had it in my pocket!"

Four Gents Joke
These four gents go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the homebuilding industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."
The second man, not to be outdone, allows how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man's son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage. And in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny more...