Golf Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day a priest and a nun went golfing.
The first hole the priest missed an extremely easy put. He shouted, "Damn, missed again."
The nun, shocked, warned him "God will get you for that."
The next hole the same thing occurred. After the priest screamed "Damn It! Missed again" the nun repeated her warning "God will get you for that!"
On the third hole, the priest again missed, and cursed, but before the nun could repeat her warning, A bolt of lightning came down from the heavens and struck the nun dead.
A deep voice from the clouds boomed out "Damn It! Missed again!".

An avid golfer has been dating a lady who works at a house of ill repute (he doesn't know that). They get pretty serious and the golfer wants to propose. "Ginger, darling." he says. "I want to marry you. But I must confess something about myself. I am an avid golfer and golf all the time." Ginger smiles, for she is in love with the man as well. "That's okay. I don't mind. But I think I should tell you something about myself. I'm a hooker." "Oh, I'm sure if I take you out on the course I'll help your problem."

Tiger Woods says he still loves his wife very much. And he wants his three iron back.

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot.So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.

Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?"

Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."

There once was a lawyer who was so fanatical about his golf game that he used to play every day without fail. One morning he had played the first hole and was just about to tee off on the second, when he saw the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen putting on the first.
The lawyer waited until the woman had reached the second tee and asked if she would like to join him and they could finish the round together. To his surprise the woman agreed and they played the remaining holes. Not only was this woman beautiful, she was also a good golfer.
When they completed their round, the lawyer told the woman that, not only was he a lawyer, but he was also a cordon bleu chef and wine buff. He invited her back to his place for a meal and a few drinks. The woman accepted enthusiastically and off they went. Back at the house the lawyer cooked a magnificent meal. In fact it was more than just cooking it was a performance to behold. They enjoyed good food, good wine and good more...

One day a priest and a nun went golfing.
The first hole the priest missed an extremely easy
put. He shouted, "Damn, missed again."
The nun, shocked, warned him "God will get you for that."
The next hole the same thing occurred. After the preist screamed "God Damn
It! Missed again" the nun repeated her
warning "God will get you for that!"
On the third hole, the priest again missed, and cursed, but before the nun
could repeat her warning, a bolt of lightning came down from the heavens
and struck the nun dead.
A deep voice from the clouds boomed out "God Damn It! Missed again!".

There were three friends that always wanted to play golf every Saturday afternoon, but couldn't because of their wives objections.
So one day after many years they finally got together on the golf course and were waiting at the first tee when one guy said, "I had to buy my wife a diamond necklace to get to play today!!!"
The second said, "That's nothing I had to buy MY wife a new sports car to get out here today!!!"
The third said, "Boy you guys are a couple of wimps; I didn't have to buy my wife anything!!!"
They both looked at him and asked how he managed that!
The smartest of the three said, "It was easy, when I got up this morning I looked her straight in the eye and asked, "Golf course or Intercourse?"
She threw me a sweater and said, "Take this, it might get chilly out there!"