Golfer Jokes / Recent Jokes

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, “Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you! ”
The golfer, annoyed, says, “What is it? ”
“It’s a special golf ball, ” says the salesman. “You can never lose it! ”
“Whattaya mean, ” scoffs the golfer, “you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water? ”
“No problem, ” says the salesman. “It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it. ”
“Well, what if you hit it into the woods? ”
“Easy, ” says the salesman. “It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed. ”
“Okay, ” says the golfer, impressed. “But what if your round goes late and it gets dark? ”
“No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I’m telling you, you can never lose this golf ball! ”
The golfer buys it at once. “Just one more...

Top Ten Caddy Comments
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer more...

A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.
After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened.
He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find his ball. He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was a yellow ball so he knew it was not his.
A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost golf ball. The helpful male golfer lifted the cow's tail and asked, "Does this look like yours?"
That was the last thing he could remember.

The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. "Your Holiness", said one of his Cardinals, Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."

The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand. "Don't we have a Cardinal to represent me?" he asked.

"None that plays very well," a Cardinal replied. "But," he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic.

We can offer to make him a Cardinal, then ask him to play Mr. Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match."

Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus more...

Two friends had arranged a round of golf and were now on the first tee, preparing to start their game at 7 a. m. Just as the first was half way up his backswing, a good looking young lady ran across the course about 10 yards in front of him, peeling off her clothes as she went until she was totally naked. As she disappeared into the woods he turned, dazed, to his companion, "What was that about?!!!" "Take no notice. Just get on with the game," replied the other. Settling down and lining up for his drive, the first golfer then noticed four men in white coats running across the course on a similar track to the young lady. "What......?!?" "Look. Just get on with the game," said the second. "We don't have all day, and you know the course closes at 9 p. m.," the second says with a chuckle. For the third time the golfer squared up to the ball, only to be distracted by another man in a white coat running across the fairway, lugging two more...

Q: What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? A: When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it!

A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.
After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened.
He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find his ball. He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was a yellow ball so he knew it was not his.
A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost golf ball. The helpful male golfer lifted the cow's tail and asked, "Does this look like yours?"
That was the last thing he could remember.