Goose Jokes / Recent Jokes

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.Streamlining was due to the North Pole's loss of dominance of the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share. He could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press.I am pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole. Management more...

Q: What can a goose do, that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.

Once upone a time, there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered some grains of wheat.
She called her neighbors and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?"
Not I," said the cow.
Not I," said the duck.
Not I," said the pig.
Not I," said the goose.
"Then I will," said the little red hen.
And she did. The wheat grew tall and repened into golden grain.
"Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Out of my classification," said the pig.
"I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.
I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.
"Then I will," said the little red hen, and she did.
At last it came time to bake the bread.
"Who will help me bake the bread?" asked the little red more...

Once upon a time, on a farm in Arkansas, there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat. She called all of her neighbors together and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?" "Not I," said the cow. "Not I," said the duck. "Not I," said the pig. "Not I," said the goose. "Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen. And so she did; The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain. "Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen. "Not I," said the duck. "Out of my classification," said the pig. "I'd lose my welfare," said the cow. "I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose. "Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did. At last it came time to bake the bread. "Who will help me bake the more...

Once upon a time, on a farm in Arkansas. . . . . . there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat. She called all of her neighbors together and said, “If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it? ”"Not I, ” said the cow. ”Not I, ” said the duck. ”Not I, ” said the pig. ”Not I, ” said the goose. ”Then I will do it by myself, ” said the little red hen. And so she did; The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain. “Who will help me reap my wheat? ” asked the little red hen.
”Not I, ” said the duck. ”Out of my classification, ” said the pig. ”I’d lose my seniority, ” said the cow. ”I’d lose my unemployment compensation, ” said the goose. ”Then I will do it by myself, ” said the little red hen, and so she did. At last it came time to bake the bread. “Who will help me bake the bread? ” asked the little red hen. ”That would more...

A group of goose biologists were meeting to brainstorm about the migration tactics of Canada geese. They were particularly interested in applying for a $100, 000 Federal grant to investigate the "V" formation of goose flight. It had been observed that one side of the "V" is always longer than the other side. This group would put together a research proposal to apply for the $100, 000 grant and hopefully find out why this happens. To start off the discussion, Todd, the Consulting Firm Biologist stands up and says in typical consultant fashion, "I say we ask for $200, 000, and attempt to model the wind drag coefficients. We can have our geologists record and map the ground topography and then our staff meteorologists can predict potential updraft currents. Our internal CAD department can then produce 3-d drawings of the predicted wing tip vortices. Then, after several years of study, our in-house publications department could produce a nice thick report full of more...

A farmer walks down to the Farm and Ranch Store to buy a bucket. When he gets there, they have some chickens and geese for sale, cheap.
Well, the fellow picks a goose and two chickens, and gets a bag of feed. He thinks for a minute and says, "Hey, how am I gonna carry all this home?"
The store manager says, "Well, put the feed in the bottom of the bucket, the goose on top, and carry a chicken under each arm."
The farmer gives it a try, and he starts home. A couple of blocks down the street, he runs into old Widow Smith, who's a little disoriented.
She says, "I don't remember which way my house is."
The farmer says, "Come on Miz Smith; you don't live far. Let's take this shortcut through the alley, and we'll have you home in no time."
Miz Smith exclaims, "Well, how do I know you won't molest me once we're in this back alley?"
The farmer says, "My God, woman, I got my hands full, how would I do more...