Savings Jokes

AT&T charges man $27,000 for watching Chicago Bears game over the web.

$27,000?!! That's it? He actually SAVED money. If he had come to Ford Field in Detroit, you gotta figure: $50 for a cheap seat, $10 minimum for parking, $10 for a hot-dog and chips, $10 for a delicious watered down 3-2 beer, and the $28,000 to replace your stolen car. Do the math people!!!

A savings bond matures slowly, and makes money.

Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:
The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;
Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;
The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;
The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;
The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional more...

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.Streamlining was due to the North Pole's loss of dominance of the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share. He could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press.I am pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole. Management more...

Q: What's the difference between a musician and a savings bond?
A: A savings bond eventually matures and earns money.

Q: What color is a guitar string?
A: Plink!
(It is the sound the a guitar makes. The word sounds like the color "pink.")

What goes "ZUB, ZUB"?
A bee flying backwards.(Buz, Buz)

(After teaching about telling time)
Teacher: What time is it?
Students: Umm, eight fifty-nine?
Teacher: Nope.
Students: About nine o'clock?
Teacher: No.
Students: What then?
Teacher: It's time to go home.