Government Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy walking on the street spots a local comedic political news reporter and asks him, "why do you make jokes about the government, it is a serious matter?"
The reporter replies, "I dont make jokes, I just watch the government and report the facts."
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat,
"T-square, do your stuff."
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said,
"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies. ........... Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said
"Measure, do your stuff."
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 more...
The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper.
“Steve, ” his wife said, while reading the newspaper, “it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to eliminate six overaged destroyers. ”
To which the husband replies, “Sorry to hear that, dear. I’m sure you’ll miss your mother being gone. ”
The famous question... "Why did the chicken cross the road ?" when put
before a few Indians... this is what they had to say...
"Why did the chicken cross the road ?"
Azhar:-
"I am totally innocent, you know, I am unnecessarily being dragged into
this, you know... I neither know the chicken nor the road, you
now...."
Devegowda:-
"zzzzzzzzzzzzzz... mmmm...mm... chicken ??? Thanks, I'll have it later
!!... mm... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"
Laloo:-
"The fact, that the chicken crossed the road, means that, there is one
chicken missing from my poultry !!!"
George Fernandes:-
"I am deeply hurt that this question is being asked after my 40 clean
years of public life. I don't own a house, or a car leave alone a
chicken !!!"
Mulayam:-
"I demand a 50% reservation of the road for the chicken class,! so that
they can cross the road freely without their motives being more...
A friend of mine redid the recent analogy of Cow Economics:
SOCIALISM - You have two cows. The government nationalizes both cows but still allows you to sell milk.
COMMUNISM - You have two cows. The government takes both and gives you spoiled milk.
FASCISM - You have two cows. The government takes one away and presses it into military service.
NAZISM - You have two cows. The government takes one away and shoots it for having a large nose and dark spots.
TRIBALISM - You have two cows. Your neighbors take both cows and shoot you.
REDISTRIBUTIONISM - You have two cows. Everyone should have the same amount of cow. The government takes both cows, cuts them up, and spends more than the cows are worth giving everyone a little piece of cow.
WELFAREISM (REDISTRIBUTIONISM REVISITED) - You have two cows. The government takes one to give to someone else who doesn't know how to milk it.
BUREAUCRACY - You have two cows. The government takes both, loses one while more...
Don't steal, the Government hates competition!
Paris (Associated Press) French to Send Surrender Advisors to Iraq In a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac announced today that the French government will be supporting the War on Terror after all. Five hundred soldiers from the elite L'Abandonnement du Field d'Honneur Battalion de Fran?s (French Surrender Battalion) of the? ranger L?on (Foreign Legion) are in the process of shipping out to Iraq where they will assist the elite Iraqi Republican Guards in their inevitable surrender to the overwhelming might of the American and British Armed Forces. "Eet ees important to be haughty and insufferable when surrendering," said General Philippe de Peepee, the Commanding Officer of the Surrender Battalion, who has personally surrendered in more than 200 battles going back to Dien Bien Phu in 1954. "We French are ze world masters at surrendering, n'est ce pas, not like you arrogant Americans who never surrender. Ha, I spit on your filthy American more...