Governor Jokes / Recent Jokes
I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job-George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign"This is a great day for France!"-Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know?... I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'"-George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan.We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex... uh... setbacks."-George Bush"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change."-Dan Quayle"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here."-Dan Quayle during a visit to Hawaii in more...
An family law attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.
"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.
"Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."
Replied the governor "Well, its OK with me if its OK with the undertaker."
One day Jesse Ventura came ashore with his Seal Team unit and as he walked down the beach he kicked a bottle that was sticking out of the sand. The cork popped loose, and out came a genie who immediately asked Jesse to make three wishes.
His first was to be a famous star. The genie replied she was a bit rusty right now but would make him well known as an actor.
His second request was to be a great athlete. The genie answered that she would do her best with his physical attributes and make him a well known and successful professional wrestler.
His third request was that he becomes governor of Minnesota.
The genie explained that was probably more than she could accomplish as Minnesota was filled with powerful liberal democrats and their families - the Mondales, the Humphreys, the Andersons, etc. etc. etc. and told him to make another wish.
Jesse then asked that Cleveland be Super Bowl Champions.
"What year do you more...
A lawyer called the Governor in the middle of the night and said, “Sir, I heard that judge Frump just passed away and I would like to take his place. ”
The Governor sleepily replied; “Its fine with me, check with the undertaker. ”
Former eBay Inc Chief Executive Meg Whitman, one of the highest profile Republican technology executives in Silicon Valley, has formed a committee to explore running for governor of California in 2010, the first official step of a campaign. The second step will be starring in'Pumping Iron 2.'
California governor Arnold Schwartzenegger has a solution to ease overcrowding in state prisons. Under the governor's plan, inmates will be trained to become whale handlers for Sea World.
Arkansas Governor Application First name:___________________Last name(if known):_______________________Address (where you live):Mother's name(list also relation, i.e., sister):__________________Birthdate(yours):____________________Father's name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( )Year of pickup truck:____________ Do you have the following in your truck: Fuzzy Dice( ) Gun Rack( ) Coon Tail( ) Filled ash tray( ) Used Condoms( ) Dead Road Kill( ) Dog of Unknown Breed( )Have you ever been to a large city? (Like Little Rock) Yes( ) No( )How far can you throw cow pies? __________ Do you eat cow pies? Yes( ) No( )Wife's name:__________________ Is she: Cousin( ) Neighbor( ) Sister( ) Mother( ) Neighbor's dog( ) Right hand( )Does your wife weigh: Less than 200 Pounds( ) Less than 300 Pounds( ) Less than a 747( ) More than a 747( )Do you know what a 747 is? Yes( ) No( )How much smarter than you is your wife: more...