Grabs Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old man is sitting at a table with his son and his new grandson. The old man looks at his son and asks..."Son, have you found out what that boy of yers is gonna be yet when he grows up?" The man curls his eyebrows and asks "huh?" The old man gets up and says "wait right here." About five minutes pass and the old man comes back with a bottle of beer, some poker playing cards, and a bible. The old man lines up the three items in front of the infant and looks at the man and says:" Ok, here's how it works... If the boy grabs the beer he's gonna be a drunk. If he grabs the cards he's gonna be a gambler. If he grabs the bible he's gonna be a preacher." The baby stares at the items for a moment. He then reaches out and grabs all three items. The old man shouts..."HOT DANG SON - HE'S A DEMOCRAT!"

This guy decides he's going to play a little joke on his wife one day. As she steps out of the shower, he grabs one of her breasts and says, "If you firmed these up a bit, you wouldn't have to keep using your bra." He laughs and laughs.
The next morning, he again catches her as she finishes her shower and grabs her ass and says "If you firmed this up a bit, you wouldn't have to keep using your girdle." Again he laughs and laughs, while his wife plots her revenge.
The next morning as he steps out of the shower, his wife grabbed his penis and says, "If you firmed THIS up a bit, I wouldn't need to keep sleeping with your brother."

An old man is sitting at a table with his son and his new grandson.
The old man looks at his son and asks...
"Son, have you found out what that boy of yers is gonna be yet when he grows up?"
The man curls his eyebrows and asks "huh?"
The old man gets up and says "wait right here."
About five minutes pass and the old man comes back with a bottle of beer, some poker playing cards, and a bible.
The old man lines up the three items in front of the infant and looks at the man and says:
" Ok, here's how it works...
If the boy grabs the beer he's gonna be a drunk.
If he grabs the cards he's gonna be a gambler.
If he grabs the bible he's gonna be a preacher."
The baby stares at the items for a moment.
He then reaches out and grabs all three items.
The old man shouts...
"HOT DANG SON - HE'S A DEMOCRAT!"

An old man is sitting at a table with his son and his new grandson.The old man looks at his son and asks..."Son, have you found out what that boy of yers is gonna be yet when he grows up?"The man curls his eyebrows and asks "huh?"The old man gets up and says "wait right here."About five minutes pass and the old man comes back with a bottle of beer, some poker playing cards, and a bible.The old man lines up the three items in front of the infant and looks at the man and says:" Ok, here's how it works...If the boy grabs the beer he's gonna be a drunk.If he grabs the cards he's gonna be a gambler.If he grabs the bible he's gonna be a preacher."The baby stares at the items for a moment.He then reaches out and grabs all three items.The old man shouts..."HOT DANG SON - HE'S A DEMOCRAT!"

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey and orders a drink for himself. The bartender looks at the monkey and says to the guy, "Hey, we have health standards here, get that monkey out of here!"
"Aw," says the guy, "He's Okay. I'll pay for any damages that he makes."
Ill at ease, the bartender agrees. After a few minutes, the monkey jumps from the bar over to the pool table, grabs the cue ball and swallows it.
"That's it!" the bartender screams, "Get that monkey out of here!"
"Hey," says the guy, "it's Okay. Look, I'll pay you for the cue ball and leave."
The guy drops a bill on the bar, gathers his monkey and leaves.
Two weeks later, the same guy with the same monkey show up at the same bar. The bartender, remembering the incident, says, "Listen buddy, are you going to keep your monkey in line?"
"Yeah," says the guy, "don't worry about any cue balls."
After more...

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says "No, what?"

He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry.

I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar more...

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone’s amazement, and somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey did? ”
The guy says, “No, what? ”
“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole! ”
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, ” replied the guy. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I’ll pay for everything. ”
The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later, he’s in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, more...