Grabs Jokes / Recent Jokes

In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. He was ahot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh! If I go down threeinches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh! If that fly goes down threeinches I can eat him."There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh! If that fly goes down threeinches... that fish will jump for the fly... and I will eat him."It also happened that a hunter was further up the bank of the lake, preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. "Gosh!" he thought, "If that fly goesdown three inches... and that fish leaps for it... that bear will exposehimself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and then have a properlunch."You probably think this is enough activity for one bank of a lake, but Ican tell you there was more.A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh! If that fly goes downthree inches... and that more...

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight, the little bugger. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff". He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the Monkey ate, then leaves Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey more...

Phil is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one at an excellent price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
A week later, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his motorcycle over to her house and finds her waiting outside for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word," she says. "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."
Phil sits down for dinner and it's exactly as she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and no one is saying a word. So, Phil decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously furious, and her mother horrified when he sits back down, but more...

A farmer is lying in bed with his wife when he turns to her grabs her tits and says "Honey if you could get milk out of these we could sell the cow". Then he grabs her pussy and says "Honey if you could get eggs out of here we could sell the chickens". She turns to him smiles, grabs his dick and says "Honey if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother"

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping around, answering ads in the newspaper,and not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic harley with a "for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner: "This bike is beautiful!! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape."
"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of vaseline.
So the guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a harley fan). That night, he decides to ride the more...

There was a fly sitting on a leaf by the lake. The fly was feeling really hot and kept thinking to himself, "gosh... if I go down three inches... I will be able to feel the mist from the water."
There was a fish in the water thinking, "gosh... if that fly goes down three inches I can eat him." And the fly knew it.
There was a bear on the shore thinking, "gosh... if that fly goes down three inches... and the fish grabs the fly... I can eat that fish."
There was a hunter on the bank of the lake getting ready to eat his sandwich thinking, "gosh... if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish grabs that fly... and that bear grabs the fish... I can shoot that bear and have me a really good lunch."
There was a mouse by the hunter's foot thinking... "gosh... if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish grabs that fly... and that bear grabs that fish... the hunter will drop his cheese sandwich."
A cat lurking more...

A millionaire throws a massive party for his fiftieth birthday. During the party, he's a bit bored and decides to stir things up a bit. He grabs the mic and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. He offers anything he owns to anyone who will swim across that pool. The party continues for some time with no one accepting his offer, until suddenly there's a loud splash. All the party guests run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool a man is frantically swimming as hard as he can. Fins come out of the water and jaws are snapping and the guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining, but the guy manages to reach the end and he leaps out of the pool, soaked. The millionaire grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give--for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So, what will it be?" the millionaire asks. The guy grabs the mic and says, "Why more...