Grade Jokes / Recent Jokes

Absent
(n) The notation generally following your name in a class record.
Admissions Office
(n) Where they take you to get you to admit you've
mooned the keynote speaker during "new student weekend."
Anatomy
(n) One of those classes that sounds vaguely risque until
you find out what it REALLY involves.
Biology
(n) A class located suspiciously near the cafeteria.
Book
(n) A depository of knowledge which a student will try to stay
awake long enough to read the night before finals.
Bookbag
(n) A large container in which students store candy bars, gum,
combs, little slips of paper with phone numbers on them, yo-yos,
sunglasses, student I.D.s, loose change, magazines, & (occasionally) books.
Cafeteria
(n) from Latin "cafe" ("place to eat") and "teria" ("to wretch").
Caffeine
(n) One of the four basic food groups.
Call
(v) What you can't do because your more...

There was a law school where students operated a "bank" of papers that were assigned from time to time. There were papers to suit all needs, and, as it would look odd if an average student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade and C grade.

A student who had spent the weekend on pursuits other than his assignment, went to the "bank" and as his course was a standard one he took out a paper for a inconspicuous C, retyped it and handed the work in.

In due course he received it back with the professor's comments "I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it worthy of an A, and now I am glad to give it one!"

University: ______________________
To: Professor____________________
From:___________________________
I think my grade in your course,___________________, should be changed from ______ to _______ for the following reasons:
__1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.
__2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.
__3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into:
______Medical School ______Graduate School
______Dental School ______My Fraternity/Sorority
______The Mickey Mouse Club ______Tri County Tech
__4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in: _______________.
__5. I'll lose my scholarship.
__6. I'm on a varsity sports team and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam.
__7. I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam.
__8. I studied the basic principles and the exam more...

Dear Professor:______________________________Date:________
My grade in _______________ should be raised from __________ to ______ because:
There must be a mistake somewhere.
I was not well at the time of the examination.
My mind always goes blank during an examination.
This mark ruined my prospect of getting a scholarship.
This is the only course in which I received a poor grade
This mark grieved my mother (or Father). whose pride I am.
Conditions in the room were not conductive to concentration.
The examination was unfair and unfairly distributed over the subject
I have to work after school and nights; therefore I should be given a break.
I am married; therefore, I should be given a break.
I would have done much better if I had taken the examination give to one of the other sections.
Several people around me copied from my paper during the examination yet they received higher marks than I did. Surely this is not fair.
The reason more...

Johnny had just moved to a new town and was attending the first day of Grade Three. As a test, the teacher asked the students to count to 50. Some did very well, and counted as high as 30 or 40, with only a few errors. Others couldn't count past 20. Johnny did extremely well though. He counted past 50 and right up to 100 without any mistakes at all.
He was so excited, he ran all the way home and told his father how well he had done. His father nodded and told him, "That's because you're from Alabama, son."
The next day in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. Since it was Grade Three, most of them could make it halfway through without very much trouble. Some made it as far as S or T, but Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfecting, from beginning to end.
Again he rushed home and bragged to his father how well he was doing in his new school. His dad, knowingly, nodded and explained, "That's because you're from Alabama, more...

Freshmen: Are never in bed past noon. Seniors: Are never out of bed before noon. Freshmen: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they can cut. Seniors: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they need to attend. Freshmen: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall. Seniors: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mtn. Dew into a recitation class. Freshmen: Calls the professor "Professor." Seniors: Calls the professor "Bob." Freshmen: Would walk ten miles to get to class. Seniors: Drives to class if it's further than three blocks away. Freshmen: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade. Seniors: Memorizes the professor's habits to get a good grade. Freshmen: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university. Seniors: Knows where the next class is. Maybe... Freshmen: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed. Seniors: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop tarts in hand. Freshmen: Have to ask where the computer more...

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor." That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman." "Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?" Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse." The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"