Grade Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along. They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant - much less a deer. But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!" Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. more...

You Know You're From Canada When...
1.) You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk."
2.) You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."
3.) You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.
4.) You drink pop, not soda.
5.) You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.
6.) You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.
7.) You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.
8.) You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
9.) You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
10.) You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.
11.) You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
12.) You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion and many more are Canadians.
13.) You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!
14.) You know more...

A first grade teacher explained to her class that she is a liberal Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were liberal Democrats, too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands flew up into the air. There was one exception. A girl named Lucy had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a liberal Democrat." "Then," asks the teacher, "What are you?" "Why I'm a proud conservative Republican," boasts the little girl. The teacher, a little perturbed and her face slightly red, asked Lucy why she is a conservative Republican. "Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My Dad and Mom are conservative Republicans, and I am a conservative Republican too." The teacher, now angry, loudly says, "That's no reason! more...

Yo Mama so old...
She left her purse on Noah's Ark.
Jurassic Park brought back the memories...
When she ran the 100 meter dash, they timed yo mama with a sundial.
She still owes Moses a dollar.
When she was at school... there was No history class!
She uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea
She's got the first autographed Koran.
She co-wrote the 4th Commandment.
When I asked for Her ID yo mama handed me a rock
She even made Yoda jealous.
She recalls When the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
The fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake
When She gave birth, You came out with Dentures.
She sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade
Her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.
Her birthday expired.
When Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo mama fishing on the other side!
She got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.
Her social security number is 000-000-001
She's got more...

Proverbs as finished by a fourth grade class: It is always darkest... Just before you flunk a test. There is nothing new... under a rock. A journey of a thousand miles begins with... a private jet. A committee of three... gets things done when they are not fighting. If you can't stand the heat... try Antarctica. Better late than... absent. A rolling stone... may dent the floor. If at first you don't succeed... live with it. Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry... and then blow your nose. A bird in the hand is.... better than a woodpecker on your head. Early to bed, early to rise... and you will get the best cereal. Two heads... are pretty scary. It is better to light a candle than... to light a bomb. A miss is as good as... a mister. A penny saved... is not a lot. Don't burn your bridges... or you'll fall in the lake. Haste makes... sweat

It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy "My name is Johnny Fuckhauer". So she said "There'll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!". The kid said "No, really teacher, it IS Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you don't believe me!" Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door. The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?" "Hell no!" replied a little kid from the front row, "We don't even get a cookie break!"

A first grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"

Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer
any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grade more...