Graduated Jokes / Recent Jokes
An accountant, a lawyer, and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands… clear up to his elbows… he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, “I graduated from the University of Michigan, and they taught us to be clean. ”
The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, “I graduated from the University of Colorado, and they taught us to be environmentally conscious. ”
The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, “I graduated from the University of Nebraska, and they taught us not to piss on our hands. ”
My penis is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me from high school.
Three women were sitting around and bragging about their children. The first one says
You know my son he graduated first in his class from Stanford. He is now a doctor making $250000 a year in Chicago.
The second woman says
You know my son he graduated first in his class from Harvard. he is now a lawyer making half a million dollars a year and he lives in Los Angeles.
The last woman says
You know my son he never did too well in school. He never went to any university but he now makes one million dollars a year in New York working as a sports repairman.
The other two women ask What is a sports repairman?
The woman then replies He fixes games... you know hockey games football games baseball games....
John Kallam graduated with a BA in criminology and entered the U.S.
Army. He served for 20 years beginning in the late 1930's. He was
an investigator during the Nuremberg trials of Nazi war criminals,
and stayed in Germany for many years organizing civilian police forces
in the post-war era. He also wrote numerous books on criminal
justice. He retired from military service in the late 1950's at the
rank of full colonel.
Returning to Fresno, California, he began teaching criminology at what
was then Fresno State College. (Later to become the California State
University, Fresno.) His work was well respected, but after about ten
years of service, he was called to see the president of the college.
He was informed that he could no longer teach with just a bachelor's
degree. Times were changing, he was told, and the school demanded
that faculty members hold a graduate degree. Merely having 20 years
of distinguished experience was no more...
Three women were sitting around and bragging about their children. The first one says, "You know, my son graduated first in his class from Stanford. He's now a doctor, making $250,000 a year in Chicago."The second woman says, "You know my son graduated first in his class from Harvard. He's now a lawyer, making half a million dollars a year and lives in Los Angeles."
The last woman says, "You know my son; he never did too well in school. He never went to any university, but he now makes one million dollars a year in New York working as a sports repairman."The other two women ask, "What is a sports repairman?"The woman then replies, "Oh, he fixes games... you know, hockey games, football games, baseball games...."
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in' 62." "This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in' 62, too!" About that time in comes more...