Grandfather Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day, this young boy and his Grandfather were fishing in a boat out on a lake. The Grandfather pulls out a beer from his cooler and starts drinking it. The boy asks "Grandpa, can I have one of those?" Grandpa replies, "When your willie's long enough to touch your ass, then you'll be old enough and I will give you one."
A little later the Grandfather pulls out a long cigar. The boy asks "Grandpa, can I have one of those?" He replies " If your willie can touch your ass, then you can have one."
Later that day the boy pulls out a snack pack and starts eating it. The Grandfather asks, "Grandson, can I get one of those?"
The boy asks, "Can your willie touch your ass?"
The Grandfather says "Yes it can."
The boy says, "Then go screw yourself."

Jack’s grandfather left him ten million dollars, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months of married life, Jack noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men’s names! Whenever they went out in public,she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her. Diane, he said, the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me ten million dollars when he died" "Don’t be ridiculous, she replied, I don’t care who gave you the money!"

Playing golf with his buddies, my grandfather had to make a slick 25-foot putt. As he lined it up, he announced, "I have a dollar bill that says I can make this putt. Does anyone want to bet?"

His three friends eagerly agreed to the wager. My grandfather missed the putt by ten feet, and his friends gathered around to collect their money. Granddad pulled out a dollar bill on which he had written, "I can make this putt."

His pals are still trying to collect on the bet and grandpa is too.

Jack's grandfather left him ten million dollars, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him.
After three months of married life, Jack noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men's names!
Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her.
'Diane,' he said,' the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me ten million dollars when he died'
'Don't be ridiculous,' she replied,' I don? t care where your money came from!'

Jack’s grandfather left him ten million dollars, and the next week Diane agreed
to marry him. After three months of married life, Jack noticed that his beautiful new
wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men’s names!
Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other
men. Finally, he decided to confront her.
Diane, ” he said, “the only reason you married me was because my grandfather
left me ten million dollars when he died"
"Don’t be ridiculous, ” she replied, “I don’t care who gave you the money!"

Jack's grandfather left him ten million dollars, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him.

After three months of married life, Jack noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men's names!

Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her.

"Diane," he said, "was the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me ten million dollars when he died?"

"Don't be ridiculous," she replied, "I don't care who gave you the money!"

A trio of old veterans were bragging about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall.
"My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh."
"Mine," boasts another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn."
"I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be
the most famous man in the world."
"Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know.
"Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old."