Grandfather Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves when the little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather smiles. "I'll bet you five dollars you can't.
It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather, impressed with his grandson's ingenuity, hands him five dollars... then grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.
The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars?"
The grandfather replies, "Yes, I know. But that's from your grandma!"

Your grandfather completely executes the "pull my finger" trick at the family reunion.
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
You have a house that's mobile and five cars that aren't.

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves when the little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."The grandfather smiles. "I'll bet you five dollars you can't.It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole.The grandfather, impressed with his grandson's ingenuity, hands him five dollars... then grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars?"The grandfather replies, "Yes, I know. But that's from your grandma!"

A 60-year-old man went to the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor told him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever. You have the body of a 35 year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"

The 60 year old responded, "Did I say he was dead?"

The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"

The 60 year old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer."

The doctor couldn't believe it. "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"

The 60 year old responded again, "Did I say he was dead?"

The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?"

The 60 more...

"Your name?"
>> "Dinesh."
>> "How do you spell it?"
>> "D-I-N...."
>> "Slow, slow, T?"
>> "No, D.
>> "Is that T as in Tom, or D as in Dennis?"
>> "No, not Dennis, my name is Dinesh."
>> "I know that. I am asking you, is that a T as in Tom, or D as in. ..
>> as in Detroit?"
>> "I don't know who Tom is, and I haven't been to Detroit. I just came
>> to the US from Madras."
>> "OK, OK, I know that. Is that T-I- or D-I-? "
>> "D. D-I-. D-I-N-E-S-H."
>> "Is that your last name or first name?"
>> "Uh? Dinesh is my name."
>> "OK. What is your LAst name?"
>> "That is my first and last name. Dinesh."
>> "Then, is your name Dinesh Dinesh?"
>> "No. My name is Dinesh."
>> "But what is your LAST NAME? I am ASKING YOU ABOUT more...

One day a grandfather and his grandson were fishing at thier farm pond when the grandfather pulls out some chewing tabacco and starts to chew it. The grandson says "hey grandpa can I have some of that?" The grandpa says," does your dick touch your ass?" He replies. "no." Grandpa says," then you cant have any. Next the grandfather pulls out some whiskey.The grandson says "hey grandpa can I have some of that?" The grandpa says," does your dick touch your ass?" He replies. "no." Grandpa says," then you cant have any.Next he pulls out a cigar. The grandson says "hey grandpa can I have some of that?" The grandpa says," does your dick touch your ass?" He replies. "no." Grandpa says," then you cant have any." Then the grandson pulls out some cookies and the grandpa asks," hey grandson gimme some of those." THe grandson replies," does your dick touch ur ass?" The more...

A grandfather and his grandson are raking leaves in the yard when the young boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
"Hey, Grandpa," the little boy says, "I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
"I'll bet you five dollars that you can't," replies the grandfather. "It's much too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He then sprays the worm until it's straight and stiff as a board. Picking it up, he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The grandfather gives the little boy five dollars, grabs the can of hair spray and races into the house.
Some time later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.
"But Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars," the little boy says.
"Yes, I know," replies the grandfather. "That's from your Grandma."