Grandmother Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young Marine and his commanding officer board a train headed through the mountains of Switzerland. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.
After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young soldier are interested in each other because they are giving each other "looks."
Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.
The grandmother is thinking to herself: "It was very brash for that young soldier to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
The commanding officer is setting there thinking: "I didn't know the young Marine was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"
The young woman was sitting and more...

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts one in half and sends her the top part.
Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and hopes she won't notice.
A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, " Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style...it makes your nose look too long."

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letterfrom his mother asking him to send her a current photoof himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to lether know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts aphoto in half and sends her the top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send apicture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picturein half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of thephoto. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent thewrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother'seyesight is, and hopes she won't notice. A few weekslater he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says,"Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style...itmakes your nose look short!"

There was this virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.
So, the grandmother says sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.
He is going to try to feel your breast, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.
He is going to try to put his hand between your legs, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.
But most important, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that but, don't let him do that, it will disgrace the family.
With that bit of advise, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it. So, the next day she told her grandmother that her date went just like she said.
But she said "grandmother I didn't let him disgrace the family.
When he tried I turned over, got on top of him and more...

There was this virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.So, the grandmother says sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.He is going to try to feel your breast, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.He is going to try to put his hand between your legs, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.But most important, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that but, don't let him do that, it will disgrace the family.With that bit of advise, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it. So, the next day she told her grandmother that her date went just like she said.But she said "grandmother I didn't let him disgrace the family.When he tried I turned over, got on top of him and disgraced his family!"

Once there was an old grandmother who believed in taboo. On New Year's Year's Day and other festival days, she would try only to say nice things, and never let the word "no" rashly fall from her mouth. One lunar New Year's Day, as soon as the granddaughter passed her a bowl of sweet rice porridge. She drank it up joyfully. "Grandma, will you take another bowl of rice porridge?", asked the granddaughter. "All right," replied the grandmother. The little girl passed her the second bowl of rice porridge and quickly she drank it. "Some more rice porridge?", asked the granddaughter. The grandmother thought that during New Year's Day she couldn't say "no", and so she replied promptly, "O. K., I'll drink a third bowl." In this way the grandmother drank six bowls, and her stomach was like a big drum. The little girl who wasn't very sensible still asked persistently. "Grandma, would you like to drink some more sweet rice more...

A little black boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. He looks at his mom and says, "Mom, look, I'm a white boy!"
His mom slaps him in the kisser and says, "Go show your father!"
He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look dad, I'm a white boy!" His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your Grandmother!"
The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says, "Look granny, I'm a white boy!" His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.
His mother says "See. Did you learn anything from that?!"
To which the boy replies, "Sure enough did. I've only been white for 5 minutes and I already hate you black people!"