Grandmother Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little black boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. He looks at his mom and says, "Mom, look, I'm a white boy!"His mom slaps him in the kisser and says, "Go show your father!"He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look dad, I'm a white boy!" His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your Grandmother!"The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says, "Look granny, I'm a white boy!" His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.His mother says "See. Did you learn anything from that?!"To which the boy replies, "Sure enough did. I've only been white for 5 minutes and I already hate you black people!"

One day a preacher decided to pay a visit to his grandmother who was very ill. When he got there, they began to talk. The preacher then noticed that there was a bowl of peanuts on the bed side table. When the visit was over the preacher realized that he had eaten the whole bowl of peanuts. Feeling guilty he apologized.

"Gee grandma, I'm so sorry. The peanuts were really good and I couldn't resist." The grandmother smiled and tells him, " It's ok, don't worry about it. With my false teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off the M&Ms anyway."

A Jewish grandmother took her young grandson on holiday by the seaside. He was busily paddling away while she was just sunbathing. Suddenly a huge freak wave landed and carried the boy away.
The grandmother panicked and started praying saying things like "Please let me have my grandson back, he is all I have and he is only nine" etc.
As luck would have it another freak wave came on and swept the boy ashore into the arms of the grandmother. She was extemely grateful but she looked upto the heavens and cried "He was wearing a hat".

Little Johnny was spending the weekend with his grand-mother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning.

It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful. His grandmother remarked..." doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?"

Johnny said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed."

This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him "What makes you say God did this with his left hand?"

"Well," said Johnny, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"

Bad Jokes The following riddles and jokes were made up by BADJOKE.EXE, an MS-DOSprogram. You probably haven't heard most of them. Please try not to laughtoo hard and feel free to flame as much as you like-we are all likepassengers on the deck of the Titanic discussing what we're going to do whenwe get to shore.How can you tell when a mechanic has been behind your nuclear warhead? There are nubile lambchops all over your pizza! How can you tell when a pope has been coming towards your spaceship? There are laughing travelling salesmen in your banana! How do you get 100 gargoyles into a nuclear warhead? Throw in a lawn sprinkler! Why do motorcycles fold born-again eyeballs? To diaper their skyscrapers! Why do policemen have toilets? So that yaks will disobey them! What do you get when you cross a Barbie doll and a banana? An angry nurse! What did the Democrat say to the kettle drum?"Ignore my eyeball, you square baby!"What did the finger say ot the lawn sprinkler?"Enlist more...

Little Johnny greeted his grandmother with a big hug and said, "I'm so happy you're visiting us again, Grandma. Now maybe Daddy will do the trick he's been promising us."
"What trick is that, Johnny?" his confused grandmother asked.
"Well," Johnny replied, "I heard Daddy telling Mommy that he was going to climb the walls if you ever visited us again."

A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following:"We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people."They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear nametags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now.They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool, too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.At their gate, there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.My Grandma more...