Grandmother Jokes / Recent Jokes

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish Id gotten to know you sooner!"

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives is a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top half. Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but them remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice. A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says. .. "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style, it makes your nose look too short!"

Joey had heard a family rumor that his father, his grand-father and even his great-grandfather, all "walked on water" on their 21st birthday. Well today was his 21st birthday and if they could do it, so could he.
So, off he went in a boat with his friend Eric. When he got out in the middle of the lake, he got up and stepped out of the boat....and damn near drowned.
The next day, Joey asked his grandmother why he wasn't given the same gift as the others in his family. The grandmother told him that his father, grand-father and great-grandfather had all been born in February...not in August as was he.

The businessman was talking to his friend on the train home after a hard day.

'What a day I've had,' he said.

'One of the office boys asked for the afternoon off to go to his grandmother's funeral. I thought I was on to him, and went along, too.'

'Good idea,' said his friend.' How was the match?'

'That's where I lost out. It was his grandmother's funeral!'

Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.
One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them.
The police took them outside and had all the girls line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.
Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"
Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.
"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the hookers.
When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip more...

Grandmother and granddaughter were in the bank when three bank robbers walked in and held it up." All the ladies down on the floor," one handsome robber commanded." My grandmother too?" the little girl asked. "Yes, your grandmother too!""All the ladies on the floor, pull up your dresses." "My grandmother too?" "Yes, your grandmother too! All ladies will now remove their panties." "Surely you don't mean my grandmother too?" asked the little girl. Becoming angry, the handsome robber shouted, "YES, YOUR GRANDMOTHER TOO! Now, all the ladies on the floor are to spread their legs apart." When the little girl started to ask if her grandmother was included, her grandmother snarled, "YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN SAID!"

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital,
and she timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator responded, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the patient's name and room number?"
The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."
After a few minutes the operator returned to the Phone.
"Oh, good news. Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; Her blood work just came back as normal. And her physician, Dr. Cohen has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday."
The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried! God bless you for the good news."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?
The grandmother said, "No, I'm more...