Grandpa Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five pounds you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five pounds, grabs the hairspray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five pounds.
The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five pounds."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

I'd graduated from college and moved back home. I spent my days sleeping and my nights were all spent with my buddies out chasing girls and partying. In short, I was just taking it easy and didn't have any specific goals in mind.

My grandfather stopped by and asked what my plans were.

"Well, Grandpa, I thought I'd just take it easy for awhile."

"Son, I think it's time for you to settle down and start looking for a job. Before you know it, you're going to be 30."

"But, Grandpa, I'm closer to 20 than 30. I've still got eight years before I'm 30!"

"Yes, but when are you going to be 20 again?"

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."

A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porchtogether, when grandpa pulls a beer out of a cooler. the little boy asked,"Grandpa, can I have a beer?" Grandpa replied, "Can your dick touch yourass?"The little boy answered no. Grandpa said "Then youre not man enough to have a beer."A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" Once again, Grandpa asked, "Can your dick touch yourass?" The little boy answered no, again. Grandpa said, "Then your not manenough to have a cigar." A little later, the little boy came out of thehouse With a cookie. Grandpa asked, "Can I have a cookie?"The boy asked "Can your dick touch your ass?"Grandpa replied, "Hell yeah my dick can touch my ass!" The boy replied,"Then go fuck yourself, Grandma made these cookies for me."

It was Grandpa Jones 100th birthday and he was still in perfect health. At his birthday party he was asked how he managed to live so long and stay so fit. He explained "I put my long life down to spending so much time out of doors. Ive been in the open air, day after day, rain or shine, for the last 75th years.""How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous fitness regime?" we asked."Its simple" he said. "When I married my wife 75 years ago, we both made solemn pledge on our wedding night. We agreed that whenever we ever had a fight, whoever was proved wrong would go outside and take long walk."

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, 'Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole. 'The grandfather replies, 'I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole. 'The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, 'Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars. 'The grandfather replies, 'I know. That's from your grandma.'